What Have I Done?

January 20, 2011 at 6:43 AM

As I’ve mentioned, that last Saturday was my big day – my convocation. But I’m not talking about that yet in this post instead I’m gonna talk about something else that happened completely unexpected.

A year ago, out of the blue, my ex decided to just ‘disappear’ and blocked me from facebook and everything. I didn’t know about it until my friend asked me if I still have him in my list… because he was still in her friends list. That’s when I found out that he actually blocked me. The level of hurt when I found that out was unbearable. To top it all off, couple of weeks later, that’s when Nikko died. Since we (my ex and I) became friends, we are always connected in one way or another. It was painful that once I got rid of him in my life, he took Nikko away with him as he was the one who bought Nikko for me. After all the painful events and series of depression, I finally decided to move on and forget about him.

Until last week.

It was last Friday, and I was in KL. Out of the blue an MSN window popped up and it was his twin sister (who is an Australian). I have not talked to her for YEARS and she was NEVER online so to see her suddenly messaging made my heart drop. I knew what was coming but I just kept playing along. It was really great talking to her again, and she’s like a sister to me. She told me she could get online because there was a flood in Australia that gives her free time. Then the dreaded question came up – she asked me what happened between me and him. She knew we’re no longer together, but she didn’t expect we’re no longer friends.

So she tried to play some sort like a doctor and tried to patch our broken friendship up. It was really awkward, and I wasn’t ready and everything was happening too fast. And on Saturday, because I was so hyper from the graduation, we decided to talk and before I knew it, we’re friends again? Really, it happened way too fast. But I just told myself, hey, I want my 2011 to be drama free as long as possible. I had a depressing start of the year when my kitten went missing, but the graduation etc was the first good thing that happened… and I had this good feeling that I don’t wanna let go. So I decided to go with the flow. I was happy to get out of the dark place of not knowing what happened with me and him.

The drama-free part was only for a very short while. I knew it was too good to be true. You see, he came to my place on the day I came back from KL. I arrived at about 7-ish pm after leaving KL at about 2 or 3 pm. I was dead tired from the convocation and driving. I told him to come the next day but he refused. He said he’d come before 10 pm. I waited for him.. know what time he showed up? At almost 12 am. I wanted to rest so badly but oh well, thought it was only for one time so I said what the heck.

The next day he invited me out for *lunch*.. I was soooo tired and didn’t wanna go but he insisted. Good thing I already ate lunch because he ended up calling at 3 pm instead. We hung out at Starbucks, until almost 6 pm before leaving. He wanted to come over to watch ‘Scott Pilgrim vs the world’. Suddenly he changed his mind and wanted to go out early to get the DVD and dinner, do at 7 pm he picked up again. He kept changing his mind about what to eat for dinner -__- That’s nothing new. We went to buy the DVD then came back to watch it. This was the time when I started to have the flu. The movie was awesome, but after it ends, that’s when the drama starts. Oh boy.

It was about him and his current gf… and he was all emo.. urgh I was so happy to BE happy then suddenly WHAM depression surrounds me again. He insisted on having breakfast together the next day but I wasn’t feeling well… serves me right because I didn’t rest enough and it took a toll on me…. and for 2 days I was feeling extremely crappy, and sick, and not even once had he ask me how was I feeling or wished me to get better. Instead, he was extremely bitchy and pissy and angsty about his current problem with his gf and not even caring that I was feeling like I was dying. He still asked me out so that he could rant about his problem when I was feeling so shitty with the flu and fever.

I don’t know. I thought it would be happy and fun again to patch things up (also for the sake of his twin sis) since I have no friends in Ipoh except for Sharina but is this what I’m getting? I don’t need stress in my life. I’m the kind of person who would be there for someone who needs my help, an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on, but when I’m terribly sick? Instead of asking me to rest and get better, he asked me to go out so that he could rant and rant and rant.

Come onnnnn…..

Still, as long as the drama does not involve me, I’m fine with it. Please no more drama this year. This should be my awesome year. Well I’m feeling a lot better today except for the minor coughing so I need to get back to work already. No more slacking around and wasting time. I also need to concentrate back on losing weight huhu. I got ‘Just Dance 2‘ for the Wii so need to do a lot of dancing now..