Goodbye, Nikko

October 25, 2010 at 8:03 AM

RIP Nikko 2005-2010

I feel so numb right now. I’ve ran out of tears to cry.
I can’t put his picture in this entry because I’d end up crying.

Got the call I’ve been fearing the whole week from the doc yesterday telling me that Nikko didn’t survive and passed away. After almost a week of struggling, he finally succumbed to his sickness. I’ve been preparing myself for this for the whole week since I saw certain signs that he might be leaving us. He was like a zombie. He still had problem drinking and eating even though the doc told me he has been eating and drinking. But even so, it’s still very hard to accept the fact that he’s no longer with us. He no longer would kiss me.

My mom was crying badly yesterday. Somehow at first she was blaming the doc but I told her, I’ve already been warned by him that this could happen. I seriously was hoping he’d get better especially since the doc told me his kidney is still functioning… but I don’t know… I’m not blaming anybody. God loves Nikko more and he doesn’t want Nikko to suffer anymore. I can’t stand seeing him suffer either. I’ve tried everything in my power to help him… I was willing to spend all of my loan refund money for his operation… So I’m trying to be positive that he’s much happier now on the other side and since he was an extremely bubbly happy jovial cat, I’m very sure he doesn’t want to see us looking sad either.

It feels so empty right now, in this house and in my life. Today I’m going to the clinic to claim his body and to bury him. Then I’m going on a search for a new kitty to mend my broken heart and to fill this emptyness. My mom is sad, my 2 kitties are sad, I’m an emotional wreck… this negative aura has got to go away or I’d go crazy.

The only thing I’m extremely upset about is that it was just about a week when I finally get rid of that ‘someone’ out of my life completely, it took Nikko away. I was hoping this isn’t true, but now it is. It was that ‘someone’ that brought Nikko in my life, and when that ‘someone’ is finally out of my life completely, so is Nikko… the fact that this two things are so connected at the very same time made this especially hard on me. Well that’s life, and it always bite me the big one. Also all the bad things happen while I’m in my hometown… I have to move on though. I’m sure behind all this misery, God has something good planned for me… oh I fucking sure hope so.

Goodbye Nikko. Thank you for being the joy in our life for 5 years. I hope we’ve made you happy and treated you well. I’m so sorry for yelling at you when you pee’d everywhere in the house every 5 minutes. I loved you so very much and I’m gonna miss you so very much.

I just wish I have someone to hug me and tell me everything will be ok. Now I gotta ice down my extremely swollen and puffy eyes before I have to go out later.