Numb.

December 21, 2016 at 3:17 AM

sad-bear

I haven’t been having a good week last week. My rescued kitten died despite everything that I did to save him. I lost 3 kittens prior to that and I was too numb to be affected by it. But my rescued kitten, it affected me so much that it interfered with my daily life and emotion. Back in October, BamBam was missing for 15 hours from around 3 pm until 7 am the next morning when I found him. During that time, when I kept calling for BamBam, I kept hearing screaming kitten across the road, somewhere at one of the shop lots.

I ignored him because I thought it was just a lost kitten and probably his mom was around somewhere. But until 5 am, he kept screaming and screaming and it bothered me so much. When I was searching for BamBam, I found him alone and scared so I took him home to temporarily care for him. Then I found another kitten. Took both of them home. He got sick for a while but he survived. And he was a cheerful loving kitten and that is why I felt this empty void when he crossed the rainbow bridge even though I’ve only had him for a short time.

I had a good day on Friday because I got to eat good food and that’s always a good thing. That helped me to temporarily forget about the death of my kitten. But when I got home I found out TM Point cut my phone line which never happened before and it was sudden so I spent 40 mins being pissed off and yelling on the phone.

And unfortunately, I got into a minor accident on Saturday. I also had a scare in the morning where my iMac wouldn’t start again. I freaked out. I seriously don’t want to send my iMac back to the store to be repaired which might take another what, a month? 2 months? No. No way. I’m sick of that. But luckily I found a video on youtube with a trick to get it started again and it did. Phew.

It’s the 21st today. Only 10 days left of 2016. I wanna say I hope next year things will change and every year I said the same thing and it never did. In fact, things got worse. Worse than the previous year. But I keep hoping. So I don’t know anymore.

I don’t know anymore.

 

A Very Shit Christmas

December 25, 2014 at 8:43 AM

Merry Christmas 2014

Well, it’s Christmas day so Merry Christmas to those celebrating it.

This year has got to be the shittiest Christmas ever for me. Not only I have nobody to celebrate it with, didn’t get any presents, not even from myself like I usually would, but this week has been the most devastating Christmas week ever.

On Monday, which is 3 days ago, I lost my beloved Puteh. He was sick with fever since last week and I didn’t take him to the vet because I’m so stupid. I thought it was just a normal fever and that he was getting better. He got out of bed and all. Turned out his condition had worsened. Monday was supposed to be a good day because I won a free pizza from Vivo Pizza and was supposed to go to AEON Station 18 to enjoy it but when I woke up, Puteh started choking and I tried to rush him to the vet but he just… didn’t make it.

I don’t deserve to live. Please kill me and end my misery. The pain is too much for me. I miss him too much and I feel so guilty. God I’m such a useless human being.

The next day, my friend told me her rabbit died, and yesterday her kitten died. See how much devastation I have this week for me? But 2 days ago, my outdoor cat had 2 new babies, hopefully she can take care of them.

I was told I should blog more with less depressing stuff… well my life has been depressing and I wish I could write something happy and cheerful like I used to but there’s none. Nothing. All I’ve been doing is just sit at home, write stuff, watch stuff, eat, sleep. That’s all.

Usually I’d be spending my Christmas eve with movie marathon while munching some gingerbread cookies but this year I didn’t. I’ve already planned to watch holiday movies on Netflix but I’m too depressed to do so. I did put on HyppTV’s Comedy Central and they had ‘Chrismassy’  Saturday Night Life marathon so I guess that’s enough.

I’m just gonna watch a bit of Youtube then sleep.
My year is not ending good.