What Have I Done?

January 20, 2011 at 6:43 AM

As I’ve mentioned, that last Saturday was my big day – my convocation. But I’m not talking about that yet in this post instead I’m gonna talk about something else that happened completely unexpected.

A year ago, out of the blue, my ex decided to just ‘disappear’ and blocked me from facebook and everything. I didn’t know about it until my friend asked me if I still have him in my list… because he was still in her friends list. That’s when I found out that he actually blocked me. The level of hurt when I found that out was unbearable. To top it all off, couple of weeks later, that’s when Nikko died. Since we (my ex and I) became friends, we are always connected in one way or another. It was painful that once I got rid of him in my life, he took Nikko away with him as he was the one who bought Nikko for me. After all the painful events and series of depression, I finally decided to move on and forget about him.

Until last week.

It was last Friday, and I was in KL. Out of the blue an MSN window popped up and it was his twin sister (who is an Australian). I have not talked to her for YEARS and she was NEVER online so to see her suddenly messaging made my heart drop. I knew what was coming but I just kept playing along. It was really great talking to her again, and she’s like a sister to me. She told me she could get online because there was a flood in Australia that gives her free time. Then the dreaded question came up – she asked me what happened between me and him. She knew we’re no longer together, but she didn’t expect we’re no longer friends.

So she tried to play some sort like a doctor and tried to patch our broken friendship up. It was really awkward, and I wasn’t ready and everything was happening too fast. And on Saturday, because I was so hyper from the graduation, we decided to talk and before I knew it, we’re friends again? Really, it happened way too fast. But I just told myself, hey, I want my 2011 to be drama free as long as possible. I had a depressing start of the year when my kitten went missing, but the graduation etc was the first good thing that happened… and I had this good feeling that I don’t wanna let go. So I decided to go with the flow. I was happy to get out of the dark place of not knowing what happened with me and him.

The drama-free part was only for a very short while. I knew it was too good to be true. You see, he came to my place on the day I came back from KL. I arrived at about 7-ish pm after leaving KL at about 2 or 3 pm. I was dead tired from the convocation and driving. I told him to come the next day but he refused. He said he’d come before 10 pm. I waited for him.. know what time he showed up? At almost 12 am. I wanted to rest so badly but oh well, thought it was only for one time so I said what the heck.

The next day he invited me out for *lunch*.. I was soooo tired and didn’t wanna go but he insisted. Good thing I already ate lunch because he ended up calling at 3 pm instead. We hung out at Starbucks, until almost 6 pm before leaving. He wanted to come over to watch ‘Scott Pilgrim vs the world’. Suddenly he changed his mind and wanted to go out early to get the DVD and dinner, do at 7 pm he picked up again. He kept changing his mind about what to eat for dinner -__- That’s nothing new. We went to buy the DVD then came back to watch it. This was the time when I started to have the flu. The movie was awesome, but after it ends, that’s when the drama starts. Oh boy.

It was about him and his current gf… and he was all emo.. urgh I was so happy to BE happy then suddenly WHAM depression surrounds me again. He insisted on having breakfast together the next day but I wasn’t feeling well… serves me right because I didn’t rest enough and it took a toll on me…. and for 2 days I was feeling extremely crappy, and sick, and not even once had he ask me how was I feeling or wished me to get better. Instead, he was extremely bitchy and pissy and angsty about his current problem with his gf and not even caring that I was feeling like I was dying. He still asked me out so that he could rant about his problem when I was feeling so shitty with the flu and fever.

I don’t know. I thought it would be happy and fun again to patch things up (also for the sake of his twin sis) since I have no friends in Ipoh except for Sharina but is this what I’m getting? I don’t need stress in my life. I’m the kind of person who would be there for someone who needs my help, an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on, but when I’m terribly sick? Instead of asking me to rest and get better, he asked me to go out so that he could rant and rant and rant.

Come onnnnn…..

Still, as long as the drama does not involve me, I’m fine with it. Please no more drama this year. This should be my awesome year. Well I’m feeling a lot better today except for the minor coughing so I need to get back to work already. No more slacking around and wasting time. I also need to concentrate back on losing weight huhu. I got ‘Just Dance 2‘ for the Wii so need to do a lot of dancing now..

The Ups & Downs of Life: My Dear Nikko

October 24, 2010 at 12:41 AM

This past few days has been a huge trial for me.

I want to believe it’s a blessing in disguise but I fail to see the positive side of it so far.

If you’ve seen my facebook or twitter, and you’ll know what’s been happening with me. My cat Nikko is sick. He’s now at the vet and I miss him very, very, very much. Let me tell you the whole story.

Last Monday, Nikko was very sick. He suddenly collapsed and could barely walk, and he just slumped against the water bowl. He couldn’t eat, drink, pee or crap. He was like a zombie and wasn’t responding. At first I thought he’d get better but when he wasn’t,, I got paranoid. I googled and found out that he might have kidney stone and if i don’t take him to the vet within 24-48 hours, he might …. you know.

I panicked.

So on Tuesday, took him to the government vet at 8.30 am. I DESPISE anything government-related. Clinics, school, vet, all of them. Not only was I panicking about Nikko after a guy told us he might die (fuck him), we had to wait hours just to see the vet! I think we waited for like 5-6 hours or so, wtf. We had to wait for the vet to treat other cats… so imagine how long whatever treatment or surgery you’d need per cat times 4 or 5 cats. By the time I get to see the doc, it was only for a fricken 5 minutes. Why?

Because the place lack the facilities and they couldn’t do anything.

Oh God. We waited 5 hours only to be told that? Why not see us earlier and tell us that so we can find a private clinic?? Apparently Nikko couldn’t pee at all, and the doc said he needs a ‘surgeon’, a specialist with facilities to ward him and monitor him.. if I decide to continue with him (the doc), he could only force the ‘pee’ out but it’s 50-50 chance. My heart was crushed into bits. He offered me to sign the consent form. I was so scared and so sad. I decided to find a specialist and not give up.

Now luckily, just about 10 minutes away, there’s a clinic called ‘Goh Animal Clinic & Surgery‘ that I found while googling on my BB while waiting earlier. I heard people say it’s expensive and frankly, I didn’t care anymore. I was already bawling my eyes out, expecting the worse. But the doc took Nikko in, checked him, and well.. gave me all the bad news regarding his problem. He however, has the facilities… so he gave him the drips and hospitalize him. They checked his blood and his creatinine level is extremely high. Like ridiculously high. So again, it’s 50-50 chance. He has to check him for 3 or 4 days, and if the creatinine level goes down than Nikko’s kidney is still functioning but if not.. you know.. and looking at how high the level was, it didn’t seem good at all……

3 days later doc told me his creatinine level has gone down a bit πŸ™‚ You have no idea how happy I am right now to hear that positive news. You have no idea how early I’ve been waking up this past few days just to pray for 3-5 hours so that he’ll recover so I’m happy that my prayers has been answered and my buckets of tears didn’t go to waste. Doc said he was very critical, and today (Saturday) Nikko was responding to me a bit made me feel a tiny bit better.

He is still quite critical though… doc warned me that in cases like this, the heart can stop anytime, God forbid. While I’m happy about the positive news, I’m still living in fear. I just hope there will be some more miracles from God. I really miss him. He’s not just a cat. Like all my 2 other cats, they’re like human family members. I’ve been with them for 5-6 years. They’re part of me and my life. To lose a cat is like losing a human family member. My house right now is so dull and quiet. Nikko is the only one that would ‘meow’ all through the night. He would wake us up at 5 am. He would sleep on my pillows. He would kiss me. He would be goofy. He would be extremely cute and innocent when he made a mistake. He’s the only playful cat in my family.

He’s the man of the house, haha.

So yeah, it feels so different without him here. And it breaks my heart even more that he seems so different at the vet… maybe he’s too traumatized that he no longer acts like his old jovial self. No matter what, I’m praying for him to get better. I seriously can’t handle anymore stress, depression and sorrow in my life right now. ‘Someone’ bought him for me, and I threw that ‘someone’ out of my life… but not Nikko. It’s enough that only that ‘someone’ broke my heart. Oh the bad lucks I’m having now…

I also hope Nikko doesn’t need operation as the doc suggested because it might cost me 1k to 2k. But the doc is very nice. Everytime I see him I’d end up chatting and laughing with him. He also told me the truth, and isn’t forcing on anything. Should anything happen, I’d still be relieved that Nikko was sent to an (expensive) specialist, and I’ve tried my hardest to save and treat him. Gosh, luckily I have my loan refund money…if not .. πŸ™

On another note, due to the stress and depression this past week, I’ve been eating a lot. I think I’ve gained. I feel fat too. I need my pills. If you keep asking “are diet pills safe?” I’ll say I don’t give a damn anymore I read all about diet tablets and I rather die thin than die obese with all problems relating to obesity. I need to see my dermatologist.. but I’m too scared to drive to KL…

Off to play with my Nintendo DSi now… I’m on vacation today until tomorrow with my ‘girlfriend’ Nene in Love Plus+. Next weekend vacation with Rinko. Oh see how pathetic my life is right now? I’m having a vacation with my virtual girlfriend… I need a life and a boyfriend pronto.

Wow I haven’t been online or on my laptop for almost a week due to depression about the whole Nikko thing… must be a new record for me.

Update On My Case With Fitness First

June 6, 2010 at 12:00 PM

Wow, surprisingly I’m connected to internet now. Before the internet dies again, I’m gonna blog a little just to update on my status with Fitness First.

After reading Larry’s comments in my previous post, I decided to call up my local bank to see if they can possibly reverse the charges. Unfortunately, they can’t. She stated that even if they try to file a complaint, it will be rejected as I have signed an agreement with FF to authorize them to use direct debit from my bank account even though I have told FF that I only authorize first month’s charge. I told my bank that it was a trick, and I was tricked into giving them my bank details because they forced the first month’s payment using my bank card since I don’t have credit card. Either that first transaction was automatically recorded into their system for easy direct debit by them or I was tricked into giving them my account number because I clearly remember refusing to give them my account details because I KNEW something this would happen. Usually it’s not a problem as I don’t have a lot of money in it, but can’t believe this time, when I have planned to go back to my hometown, the day the money from my paypal appears, they would ‘steal’ it.

What still pisses me off is that, I found out I was wrong. They didn’t charge me on the SAME day as I paid my May fees by cash (inclusive of RM15 penalty) but they already took the money THE DAY BEFORE. I realized the direct debit was on June 1st, and I paid the cash on June 2nd. WTF. The fact that they didn’t tell me both May and June are already paid and STILL took the cash from me the next day, is beyond me. It amazes me how the direct debit did not turn up in their system on the day I went there to pay cash.

Total amount paid to FF – RM585 (fuck, that’s a shitload of money gone within two days)

So the bank told me, no matter what, they can’t do anything. I have to discuss with Fitness First regarding my situation. Well…. I have no choice but to call FF again today.

I have a good news and a bad news. The good news is, after explaining my (first) case with the guy in FF, he said IT COULD BE REFUNDED. Wtf . When I called last Friday, the girl said it can’t be refunded. Okay,Β  now the bad news is…


Double WTF. I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t broke, but I need to pay my bills and such. Urgh. And I don’t care about June’s fees.. they can take the RM185 out of the RM385 but refund my RM200 that I overpaid for May.

I also explained to him that when I went and requested them to freeze my account temporarily, they didn’t allow me because I need to settle my June’s fees when technically I’ve already paid for it. But he said now he can’t do anything because I still need to go there, fill up the form to request for the freeze. FML. FML FML FML. If that’s the case, then I’d still need to pay for July (because that means I can’t freeze for July) to be able to request for freezing of account for August and September. I obviously need those two months’ fees frozen because it’s going to be Ramadhan (fasting month) and then Eid Mubarak celebration πŸ˜€

Well he said I need to talk with the CA (or something) but that person is not working today as it’s Sunday so he will ask the CA to call me back tomorrow. So we’ll see how it goes. Funny thing is, no matter how many times I told them to change my wrong phone number that they have, yet each time they still state the old wrong number again. Hmph.

Well this problem is giving me a headache. So I’m gonna go do something else now before my internet dies. I am going out with my only friend here in my hometown today. Haven’t talked to her for AGES, so have a lot to bitch about with her. And my friend from KL will be dropping by tomorrow so hopefully can see her.

And shit, I think I’m getting too obsessed with Barry Evans/Jeremy Brown from Mind Your Language… πŸ˜†


June 5, 2010 at 8:49 PM

I’m feeling a bit better today. Last night I stayed up whole night watching “Mind Your Language” and cheered me up because it’s hilarious, and watching super cute Barry Evans of course cheered me up. And I do have one extra good thing happening which I won’t tell. So since now I’m able to think straight again, I figured, if Fitness First are being jackasses and won’t refund my money, at least for June and July I won’t have to pay, and for August, September & October they better let me freeze the damn account so I don’t have to pay for the full amount. That way I can save up my money again. Also, by August, I have something to look forward to.

However, mom has been driving me crazy sometimes. My BB is driving me crazy sometimes because every time I try to tether my BB to my laptop, either it won’t connect to internet or my laptop would hang. It’s very frustrating. No internet is driving me crazy and it means that I can’t even download Glee’s finale episode for season 1 next week, and the new album coming up – Journey to Sectionals.

Oh another thing that makes me happy – the cheap China made media player (that plays videos/musics from your external HDD on your TV) that I bought 2 months ago at the pc fair works PERFECTLY on my tv here at my hometown. I had a problem when I can’t plug in one of the audio’s jack because the picture will be blur, but when it’s not plugged, one side of audio is missing.. so it means if the video utilizes both audio then the sound completely sucks. Like Glee for example, when they sing, it uses right and left audio so for my KL TV, it sounded retarded because the music is not right.

But my TV here plays everything perfectly, so I can watch my downloaded Glee on TV, and other stuff. πŸ˜€ So that makes me happy. I guess there’s always a downside of China made TV that cost RM500 compared to a Sony TV that cost RM4500+.

Well I guess with my problems now, I can still survive on bread and soup lol. Maybe I’d lose more weight. My appetite suppressant is doing a good job in controlling my appetite, so I don’t get cravings anymore. Guess it’s useful now.

EDIT/ Wow my comp hanged. See, I hate tethering my BB now. Luckily wordpress has autosave so I didn’t lose what I’ve written.

I’m gonna stop now, because I’m being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Urgh, one thing I like about my KL apartment is that it’s too high for mosquitoes. Here, I’m being eaten alive. T___T

I’ll reply to comments soon. I still have lots of pending blogs to write about. Argh.


June 4, 2010 at 9:18 PM

I am back in my hometown and it hasn’t even been a few hours and my usual chain of bad lucks already happening.

I am blogging from my phone because I have no internet. FML

I drove all along the highway about 180km with very limited visibility due to heavy rain. FML

The worst yet is this….

I was supposed to get some money from all the extra job I’ve done within the past few months through PAYPAL. It was supposed to be available in my bank account on 1st of June so in that day, I paid for my gym… RM200 including RM15 of late penalty. I wanted to freeze my gym account because I will be in my hometown. Unfortunately I also have to pay my fees for June to even be allowed to request for freezing account. So for May payment I borrowed from my mom and I thought I’d have my money in my account already. So later that day I checked and I was shocked to see that I only have 30% of what I was supposed to receive. I thought my money wasn’t in yet. I went back to my hometown without freezing my account.

Today I checked my transaction details and to my surprise the amount I was supposed to get WAS in my account on June 1st… For less than a minute and I was again shocked to see the word ‘direct debit‘ after it and 70% of that money was deducted. I got furious.


So I called up the bank to clarify and after speaking to a few people they said it could be my gym Fitness First that deducted that for their monthly fees. I was like WTF??? I paid every months by cash, what money would that be for? The officer was annoyed at me thinking that I’m too retarded to understand. I understood perfectly THANK YOU, and I just paid my fees so what’s the money for??

So after that I called up fitness first to clarify. My my, turns out they DID take my money WITHOUT MY AUTHORIZATION and didn’t even bother to tell me when I was there 2 days ago! They took my money to pay for May fees which I PAID ON THAT SAME DAY by cash and also June’s fees. Excuse me, I did not say I want to pay for June. It was only first of june, they deducted my money like they fucking own it and can do anything they like.

I told them I clearly said when I registered that I only authorize charge to my bank account FOR THE FIRST MONTH. I refused to give them my card at first and they insisted that they only take ATM card for first month payment and assured me they won’t auto debit after that. IT WAS JUST FOR THE FIRST MONTH ONLY. I guess I AM retarded for believing that. I knew gyms are scammers, but I didn’t expect FITNESS FIRST PLATINUM MEMBERSHIP would be tricking people too!

So technically I paid double my May fees plus June.. And she said they cannot refund so the extra is considered as july’s fees. I cannot accept this. I did not authorize it and I want my money back.

I am completely depressed about it. Basically I am now in my hometown with NO MONEY to buy food at all. That money is supposed to be used to pay back the money I owed my mom so now I can’t pay her back and she has zero cent until next pension check which is at the end of month because I borrowed her money and promised to pay her back when my money from paypal is in my account. STILL LONG WAY TO GO.

How could FITNESS FIRST do this to me? Will I be starving to death here? I haven’t cried or been this upset for months.. When I go back to my hometown there’s always something bad. I’ve worked so hard to get that little amount of money and been saving up for months until I have an emergency..now when I do and 70% of it is gone within minutes. How could I let this happen?

I am still hoping I’d get refunded back. If starvation doesn’t kill me soon, depression might. Or maybe my anger towards those scammers would consume me and I’d get too angry that my heart stops beating and my head explodes. Trust meΒ  I WILL create chaos there if I don’t get my money back.

There are other things that happened today but I don’t want more depression from talking about it. I’ve had enough shits for today.

I really wish that I have someone with me right now, if not to help at least to lend me a shoulder to cry on. To console me when I am in a mess. This is the time when I miss my ex. Coming back here to be reminded of him makes my heart ache so bad.

…… FML.