Health & Beauty

I Need Sleeping Pills

8
1 year ago
by Tany in , ,

I need sleeping pills. My sleeping pattern is so fucked up now. It’s 6 am now and what am I doing? Am all still wide awake.

I feel so fat and bloated right now. Maybe because when I’m emo I eat, so I’m gonna have a hell of a time to lose it all. Need to starve myself next week. Watching Hell’s Kitchen isn’t helping either because the more I see them cook, the more I wanna cook and eat. It’s also funny to see the contestants getting injured by the kitchen utensils. I also find Gordon Ramsay to be strangely intriguing.. maybe cuz he’s British and I love guys with British accent.

I’m hoping by next week I can concentrate on my work again. Argh, my community sites are being neglected. I’m gonna have a hell of a time to update the scripts and all. I’ll say, if I don’t start working on them by tomorrow, then I better move my ass and find a job… I miss PJ so much, and I’m dying to go back there and find work there…so tempted… but things that are holding me back are the apartment and cats… I hate my apartment. No wait, I love my apartment…just despise the people there.. and the scary elevators..and I have so many stray cats that I feed daily and somehow I can’t part with them anymore.

Oh did I mention there’s 2 new kittens?

Not mine, and don’t plan on keeping them or taming them. It’s a complicated story…and apparently all of my outdoor cats are connected one way or another…lover,mother,cousin yada yada haha. I’m keeping my 2 kittens in my kitchen. The cat bite on my palm and puncture wound on my left index finger somehow still hurt if I press on them.. or if something like my table right now touching it. Why is it still not fully healed? It’s been a week. I’m finishing the antibiotic already even though I was supposed to finish it few days ago but I’m bad at taking pills. I hate pills. 2 days ago I found a lump behind my ear. Could be ‘cat scratch fever’. Thank God it’s gone now though. My arm also no longer hurt from the injection.

Alright I should try to get some sleep now.

Time Alone

11
1 year ago
by Tany in ,

When I said I was glad the injection for my cat bite didn’t hurt, well I should have waited for a few hours.  Fuck me. Over 24 hours later, I can’t lift my right arm. It currently fucking hurt that nothing can touch it. I screamed a few times last night when I was lying down with my right arm pressed, and earlier tonight I banged my arm and fuck me, it hurt like hell. This is fucking annoying because I feel crippled. I had to ask my mom to help me cook my food because I can’t lift my arm, nor can have any pressure on my wound on my right palm even though it’s not painful to the touch.. but somehow it is when something else put pressure on it. Are you looking for a medical assistant school?

Well, my ‘alone’ time today was ok. Took time to kinda slowly recover from my depression. I’m feeling a tiny bit better today, so I think I’m gonna take some time alone for a few days today. It feels good to just ignore everything else and just do something that distracts you – in my case, I watched ‘The Golden Girls’ series. My mom did annoy me but didn’t give a damn today. I’m just emotionally tired from everything, I failed to give a damn. I’m sorry if I can’t give a damn about anyone at the moment… I’m just fucking tired.

I also had a weird dream last night. I was in Times Square Malaysia, but different look than the real Times Square, and I was with my friends (the group I was supposed to go out with last night) and we went to the very top floor which was a skating rink. As I was putting on my skates, we felt the ‘tower’ was swaying, and we could see the building outside moving from the window. Now this is the fucked up part because it felt so real, and I felt like that’s it… that was the end of our lives. The ‘tower’ and the whole mall is gonna collapse and I was experiencing a similar ‘seconds before death’ feeling which I assume what victims of similar situation e.g. twin towers incident felt. You know.. knowing you are confirmed to die in the next minute. It was HORRIFYING. Surprisingly…somehow… the swaying stopped. Everybody was rushing down the elevator and it stopped at 4th floor I think (as you know, 4 for chinese/japanese is death) and it just won’t go down. I got out, ran down the emergency stairs, and made out just in time to witness the whole building collapse. I felt like a celebrity after that cuz everybody was gonna interview me as the survivor.

Very fucked up. I don’t know why I had that dream. It’s probably related to my depression but still – fuck. It was scary shit okay… to feel and know that ‘seconds before your death’ experience. I feel so depressed now thinking that might be how victims of such disaster felt…

Acne Problem

4
1 year ago
by Tany in , ,

Do you have acne problem? If you don’t or have not had any, I hate you… for being so lucky. it’s hard to find acne products that really work at the store unless you go to the dermatologist..if you have severe acne they’ll give you roaccutane but that fucks me up.. with my menstrual cycle. I don’t know why, and it’s not even part of the side effect but it affects me. Is there any good acne products out there that really works? Because I’m sick of going back with accutane and get side effects… (it does work wonder though).

Still Recovering From Sickness

0
1 year ago
by Tany in , , ,

I’m still sick :( Well not as sick as I was couple of days ago but I still don’t feel all that well. Feel like somebody is sitting on my chest.. I also have absolutely no energy right now to do anything. All I’ve been doing is sleep, browse net then sleep again.

Well I had an issue with my friend right? About him not caring and all that? Well talked to him tonight… had to let it out or else I’d go insane. What triggered me to say it? Let that be a secret. Surprisingly after all the talk he apologized. I was worried we’d end up arguing again because that’s what we always do, and glad we didn’t and I’m still having a drama-free life at the moment. Hope it stays that way. To those who were concerned in my previous post, thanks :)

I think I should go to bed now, even though I don’t feel like it. I seriously need to get better so I can get back to my work. Urgh.

I’m downloading Kenan & Kel right now. I miss old Nickelodeon shows! I wish I can download the early seasons of All That.

Own and rv? Get an rv insurance.

What Have I Done?

6
1 year ago
by Tany in , , , ,

As I’ve mentioned, that last Saturday was my big day – my convocation. But I’m not talking about that yet in this post instead I’m gonna talk about something else that happened completely unexpected.

A year ago, out of the blue, my ex decided to just ‘disappear’ and blocked me from facebook and everything. I didn’t know about it until my friend asked me if I still have him in my list… because he was still in her friends list. That’s when I found out that he actually blocked me. The level of hurt when I found that out was unbearable. To top it all off, couple of weeks later, that’s when Nikko died. Since we (my ex and I) became friends, we are always connected in one way or another. It was painful that once I got rid of him in my life, he took Nikko away with him as he was the one who bought Nikko for me. After all the painful events and series of depression, I finally decided to move on and forget about him.

Until last week.

It was last Friday, and I was in KL. Out of the blue an MSN window popped up and it was his twin sister (who is an Australian). I have not talked to her for YEARS and she was NEVER online so to see her suddenly messaging made my heart drop. I knew what was coming but I just kept playing along. It was really great talking to her again, and she’s like a sister to me. She told me she could get online because there was a flood in Australia that gives her free time. Then the dreaded question came up – she asked me what happened between me and him. She knew we’re no longer together, but she didn’t expect we’re no longer friends.

So she tried to play some sort like a doctor and tried to patch our broken friendship up. It was really awkward, and I wasn’t ready and everything was happening too fast. And on Saturday, because I was so hyper from the graduation, we decided to talk and before I knew it, we’re friends again? Really, it happened way too fast. But I just told myself, hey, I want my 2011 to be drama free as long as possible. I had a depressing start of the year when my kitten went missing, but the graduation etc was the first good thing that happened… and I had this good feeling that I don’t wanna let go. So I decided to go with the flow. I was happy to get out of the dark place of not knowing what happened with me and him.

The drama-free part was only for a very short while. I knew it was too good to be true. You see, he came to my place on the day I came back from KL. I arrived at about 7-ish pm after leaving KL at about 2 or 3 pm. I was dead tired from the convocation and driving. I told him to come the next day but he refused. He said he’d come before 10 pm. I waited for him.. know what time he showed up? At almost 12 am. I wanted to rest so badly but oh well, thought it was only for one time so I said what the heck.

The next day he invited me out for *lunch*.. I was soooo tired and didn’t wanna go but he insisted. Good thing I already ate lunch because he ended up calling at 3 pm instead. We hung out at Starbucks, until almost 6 pm before leaving. He wanted to come over to watch ‘Scott Pilgrim vs the world’. Suddenly he changed his mind and wanted to go out early to get the DVD and dinner, do at 7 pm he picked up again. He kept changing his mind about what to eat for dinner -__- That’s nothing new. We went to buy the DVD then came back to watch it. This was the time when I started to have the flu. The movie was awesome, but after it ends, that’s when the drama starts. Oh boy.

It was about him and his current gf… and he was all emo.. urgh I was so happy to BE happy then suddenly WHAM depression surrounds me again. He insisted on having breakfast together the next day but I wasn’t feeling well… serves me right because I didn’t rest enough and it took a toll on me…. and for 2 days I was feeling extremely crappy, and sick, and not even once had he ask me how was I feeling or wished me to get better. Instead, he was extremely bitchy and pissy and angsty about his current problem with his gf and not even caring that I was feeling like I was dying. He still asked me out so that he could rant about his problem when I was feeling so shitty with the flu and fever.

I don’t know. I thought it would be happy and fun again to patch things up (also for the sake of his twin sis) since I have no friends in Ipoh except for Sharina but is this what I’m getting? I don’t need stress in my life. I’m the kind of person who would be there for someone who needs my help, an ear to listen and shoulder to cry on, but when I’m terribly sick? Instead of asking me to rest and get better, he asked me to go out so that he could rant and rant and rant.

Come onnnnn…..

Still, as long as the drama does not involve me, I’m fine with it. Please no more drama this year. This should be my awesome year. Well I’m feeling a lot better today except for the minor coughing so I need to get back to work already. No more slacking around and wasting time. I also need to concentrate back on losing weight huhu. I got ‘Just Dance 2‘ for the Wii so need to do a lot of dancing now.. I still wish I had my old med.. it was still the best supplements for weight loss I’ve ever had instead of some stupid yucky herbs.

Go to Top