I went to college first to get my result. GAH! I’m so disappointed in myself.. or maybe my lecturer sucks. How dare gave me A- for DTP class? (Destop Publishing). I slaved myself and spent a lot of money and stressed myself to the max to do the best yet I only managed an A-??? It’s like a fucking foundation class. It’s basic stuff. And having doing graphic since I was 13 or 14 and to just get an A- is like a huge disappointment. Where did I do wrong? >.<

I finally received my transcript! And a photocopy of my diploma. I have ‘almost’ graduated! Just waiting for my convocation to get my original diploma. My transcript – another HUGE disappointment. There are 2 C+ on each paper that ruined it. The rest are all A’s and B’s. I am angry at myself. I have no one and nothing to blame but myself. The reason for those 2 C’s was because I let group drama, bitches, emotion, depression, procrastination, lazyness, etc take over me and screwed me over. I am still thankful there are no D’s, but I could have avoided those C’s had I just fucking ignore all the drama and managed my time better.

My CGPA – 3.48

FML. Just 0.02 to 3.5. FML FML FML.

After college I went to Ikano to look for laptop table. I desperately want it. I like using my laptop while lying down and I don’t want to put my heavy laptop on my stomach anymore or my lap because it could burn my skin. I thought I wanted to go to digital mall or low yat because there’d be more choices there but I didn’t have time. I found a laptop table that’s quite cheap (RM49) instead of the usual RM60-90. It has a cooler too. So I bought it. When I was leaving the store, I bumped into my friend!

Haha didn’t think I’d bump into anyone. She was shocked at how much weight I’ve lost and how thin I look compared to the last time she saw me. She thought I was sick. >.< She said my body looks the same though ack. Need to start to exercise and concentrate on my body. Funny that I don’t feel like I’ve gone thin. Yes I’ve lost weight but I feel my body is the same because I haven’t exercised at all. I have all my sickness to thank for. Basically I haven’t been having much appetite since I’ve been back here. Hence why I look sick instead of healthy thin. The moment I stepped in KL, with all the restaurants and yummy food around me, my appetite instantly returned but as soon as I reached Ipoh.. all appetite gone. I bet the longer I stay in my hometown, I’d end up skeleton-thin.

Then I took my laptop table to the testing place to test the cooler fan. Went well, but suddenly as I was putting it back into the box I fucking slice my thumb! Apparently the aluminum or something was too thin and sharp at the bottom that it managed to slice my thumb quite deep. So all the way to my car it was bleeding a lot >.< The cut was not big or long but it was deep. Then I rushed to my dermatologist clinic.

I reached there half and hour late. But I asked them for a bandaid so it was all cool. I did my fraxel but I don’t want to describe it here because it’s gonna be in a different post. After I’m done, I went back to pick mom up then left KL at almost 6 pm. I tried to keep my speed at 120 kmph this time haha. I don’t have a life or auto insurance so if I crash and hurt myself and wreck the car, it’s over. Worse yet, if I die. I shudder at that thought. Freaks me out. I don’t know why up until now I still don’t have any insurance. It’s important, and I should start to have some insurance by now. I still managed to reach my hometown at 7.30 pm, just in time for buka puasa (break of fast). We went straight to ayam penyet restaurant (smashed chicken restaurant) to eat. I finally reached home at almost 10 pm. Damn. I was dead tired.

Well I need to get back to work now. My face is like itching like crazy. And I also realized I left my sunblock at my PJ place.. gah. How could I forget my most important thing especially after doing fraxel? FML.

I have been tired this past few days. I ended fucking up my sleeping pattern again; staying up all night and sleeping all day. Anyways, next Monday I have my dermatologist appointment again so I’ll be back in PJ this Sunday. However, lately, there has been bad thunderstorms in Malaysia. Few days ago I went out to buy stuff, and food for break of fast, and suddenly it was raining extremely heavily, and shortly after, my house was flooded. It was knee-length and the water got into the car too… the next day the gear couldn’t be shifted. Luckily there wasn’t serious damage and the mechanic came and fixed it for free. In another state, 3 people were killed due to heavy storm ruining a bazaar Ramadhan when people were buying food for break of fast.

Another thing is regarding work. I’ve been asked soooooo many times about job. Can’t one take a break from the hectic college life, after stressing yourself for 3 years, ruining your body and skin from nonstop shooting day and night, rushing for deadlines for 3 days straight without sleep? Most of the annoyance comes from my family/relatives. God, I’m so sick of being asked when am I going to start working by my family, my mom especially.

Here I am to answer yours and any stranger’s questions regarding my job. YES, I do want to work, and I WILL work, and I AM working, sorta. I’ll explain now. You see, if you’re/was a film student, you know how much work we had to do. I get pissed if people compare practical students with theory students. You see, when you have to study, you’ll only torture your brain but if you’re a film student, you’ll have to torture your brain AND your body, jeopardizing your health. So that means both mentally and physically. I have been studying nonstop since I was 19. From foundation in business, to executive secretaryship, to SUPER MAJOR UBER EXTREME MENTAL TORTURE Japanese Pre-U studies, then to film studies. My brain is extremely tired after 8 years, and now my body is majorly tired and weak. I’ve been getting sick like more than 3 times since June. I am STILL sick right now but not as bad.

So I had a long talk with myself few months earlier, took a long time to decide that after I finished my college, I am going to take a break until my convocation. At first, when I did my final last December, I thought I’d start working in January. However, when my former faculty dean told me I have to finish one elective subject, and then later told me I couldn’t join my batch for convocation due to my assessment being held 2 days before the convo, I was very heartbroken. But I was then told that they’d have another convo this October (I hope) so I was happy that I don’t have to wait long.

Now why did I decide not to work now? I have my reasons. Contrary to people’s beliefs, it’s NOT, I repeat NOT because I couldn’t get a job. I COULD get a job if I want to. In fact, early this year I have been offered full time position or contract based job by my internship boss to continue working on their film (which I took part during my internship). I’ve also been called for interviews. I also could work part time here. Honestly speaking, I have a different plan, which no one knows except my mom, so don’t bother asking because I will not tell. But I’m extremely tired. I can’t handle more stress from work, crazy deadlines, pressure from people, the drama from people. I’m just simply very, very, very tired. I do wish I could go away on vacation but I’m broke.

Broke? You hear that a lot from me. I whine about it everyday. Yes, I am very broke right now. Reason? My mom and myself overspent, more than our budget this past 3 months. Reason? Very personal. This past few years I’ve found ways to support myself and ease my mom’s burden. However lately, we’ve had a lot of personal and family problems that we had to fork out more than we could afford. I do have part time work online, but because I have been sick a lot lately since I’ve been back in my hometown, I couldn’t concentrate much so I haven’t been getting much work done. I have however been concentrating on my test project for something else I’ve been planning to do. I’m not sure if I would stick with it, but hey, at least I’m not wasting time at the moment.

2nd thing, I have been trying to learn stuff a lot. You see, 85% of projects/stuff I did at college resulted from self study. Honestly, we did not learn a lot, we had to research on our own. We never touched Adobe After Effects program at college, but I learned how to use it myself a little bit. Same goes with my other mates. We did not learn much on 3D Studio Max. So to summarize, I don’t have enough skills at the moment. I’d love to be a motion graphic designer.. but how can I be one when I lack the skill of Adobe AE? Or maybe developer for something.. All the jobs I’ve been hunting for requires knowledge of programs that I have never touched. How can I apply for those jobs? How can I even impress the people with my unimpressive resume? I’m not the kind of person who just grabs whatever low-class job I can get. Sorry I have to sound a bit arrogant here, but I have relatives, friends, neighbors who are doctors, lawyers, university professors, property managers, engineers, interior designers, entrepreneurs etc.. how am I supposed to show my face at family gatherings if I say “Oh I’m working as part time crew at McDonald’s” or “I’m just a clerk at the office“??? They’re not bad jobs, but it’s the mindset of my family & relatives who WILL think I’m such a disgrace. Also when it comes to work, I do what -I- want to do, not what -other- people want me to do. This is my life, I control it, and I won’t force myself to do something I will never enjoy and will regret. I made that mistakes before, never again.

Regarding my health, if you haven’t been noticing, I haven’t been in a good shape. I haven’t been healthy. Hence why I’ve been staying in Ipoh, the reason is partly related to my health. I’ve mentioned part of my health problems online, but that’s just PART of it. You don’t know the rest of it. I decided to mention this now so in case I die you’ll know. Honestly speaking, there has been days in this past 3 months where I was literally only a step closer to meet with the grim reaper but managed to pull myself back.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but I don’t want to write 10 pages long of boring problems. I could you know. I decided to spill everything out because I’m spiraling down towards deep depression again from all the pressures I’ve been getting lately. Job, life, health, money, marriage, appearance, bla bla bla. So please don’t mention to me about job anymore. There’s a limit to one’s patience. I am currently doing something, and I have my own plans. It’s just that I haven’t been mentioning it to anyone so it appears as if I’m just relaxing here… I’m not. And even if I get a job now, it will only add to my currently piled up issues. No one knows about any of this except those of you who managed to read this up to here. Not even my mom is aware about half of my problems and worries. So yes, I’d appreciate it if everyone (especially my family) would just shut the fuck up about me getting a job or whatever other issues that might arise and let me have a peace of mind.

Speaking of job, mom told me of this news yesterday which is great!

SOURCE: The Star Online

JASIN: Part-time workers will be able to enjoy better benefits, such as Employees Provident Fund contributions and Socso coverage, under a new regulation beginning Oct 1.

Human Resources Minister Datuk Dr S. Subramaniam said the regulation under the Employment Act would allow some 18 million Malaysians to work part-time with better protection, which would in turn reduce the country’s dependency on foreign workers.

It is expected to benefit some 12 million locals working in both the private and public sectors, and 6.5 million Malaysians who can be productive but are not working at the moment, including housewives, students, undergraduates and the disabled.

“The Cabinet has agreed to the implementation of the new regulation.

“It will ensure that the protection of part-time workers’ rights and benefits is carried out in a clearer and comprehensive manner.

“Malaysians can now work to earn extra income under better protection,” he told reporters after attending a meet-the-client day programme here yesterday.

Dr Subramaniam said part-time workers would now be given salaries and other relevant benefits, such as EPF contributions, Socso coverage and medical entitlements, on a pro rata basis.

“The regulation also provides a clear guideline with formulae for employers to calculate the figures correctly,” he said.

Besides reducing dependency on foreign workers, Dr Subramaniam said the new regulation should encourage more Malaysians who were currently not working, to enter the labour force.

“Most of them are skilled and educated. If they can be included into the workforce, this will not only boost our local labour strength, but will generate more income domestically,” he added.

That sounds awesome. This way I could still work and get benefits like full time workers, while at the same time I still have time to work on whatever I might be doing in the future. That is just great news. Speaking of extra work, I wish I could get myself a mac soon.. I’m hoping by December (PC Fair hopefully) as a Christmas gift for myself (sad isn’t it?). My PC and my laptop are simply losing the capability to edit videos now.. it just lags like no one’s business. And I wish I could go somewhere for Christmas.. I wish to have a white Christmas, and see Christmas trees and decorations, with colorful C9 led christmas lights lighting up houses on the streets.. yes even though I’m a malay/muslim, I do celebrate Christmas.. no, not for the real reason which is celebrating the birth of Jesus, but just the celebration itself only. I somehow feels Christmas give me some sort of tranquility… well I’m very traditional so that means a white Christmas with presents under the trees, people caroling in the street…Christmas decorations everywhere.. choirs.. Santa…*sighs* I used to have that when I was a kid, now I have lost it all.. it seems that everything from your childhood will disappear when you’re an adult. The tradition is now gone as year 2000 enters.

Same goes to Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya celebration.. used to look forward to it when I was a kid… the joy of visiting relatives, getting money, eating the food, listening to Raya music and watching Raya shows on TV.. playing with firecrackers etc, houses lit up with oil lamp or torches (something like Tiki torches).. now my celebration is like shit.. half of tradition gone.. no relatives would come to visit us because either they’re all grown up and have moved out and have a big family, getting too old or already dead. Half of my close family have passed away.. grandma, grandpa, my 2 aunts, my 2 uncles, and lots of other relatives who died of old age. Hari Raya has no meaning to me anymore.

I don’t even know who would come to my wedding in the future, if I have one.

My house used to be full of people on Hari Raya…

…Now it’s just empty.

Gotta go. This is too emotional for me.

On a different topic, next week we start Ramadhan! AKA fasting month. It’d be so much better to fast in KL because there’ll be a lot of food in the evening! But gosh I hate to think about the suffering and the torture I have to go through to queue up for the elevators because everyone would be going back home too. Here? I don’t know if it’ll be ok here. We’ll see. Also it’s time to start shopping for Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya. Shopping for clothes, new curtains, linens (like matouk), decorations..all for Eid mubarak.

Well I have to rest now.. just took some med, suddenly I’m starting to sweat. This past few days, I’ve been playing Airline Tycoon nonstop, it’s such a fun game! And I’ve also been a tycoon game downloading spree. @__@ Great, distractions from my work… I”ve been neglecting my project for 2 weeks now.

Oh yeah, PC FAIR this weekend and it makes me sad that I still can’t get my HD media player. Oh well, hopefully I’ll have some money for the pc fair at my hometown end of August, which totally sucks. You can’t find anything!

I hope to write more this coming few days. On Thursday I’m going back to KL again because I have dermatologist appointment this Friday so I’ll be quite busy and tired. This weekend, I’ve been going out with my friend and one place I should mention is WAREHOUSE SALE! They had sale on 3 brands – L’oreal, Garnier and Maybelline.. and plus some haircare stuff from Elseve for 3 days. Everything was DIRT CHEAP! Mostly it’s because it’s either old stock, discontinued items and clearance sale. I even emptied my bank account today to get some stuff. I will do an extensive reviews of them plus some other stuff I got earlier.. my biggest makeup haul ever.. I’ll find some time to write about it soon.

I also have a few huge and small website projects that I”m working on. Also, I have some of my almost done websites that I need to finish so I can start using them. Well, I have nothing to do here so might as well use my free time to do something. I also have to think of ways to get some money.. job or freelance work or something… I’m flat out broke as of today. My wallet is like fricken empty! Wtf. However, there is no way I’m working at McD or anything like that.. if it’s KL, it’s alright.. I mean almost every college students would work… but not in Ipoh… it’s not that common here because the cost of living here is quite low compared to KL….. or is it?

I can’t believe that majority of stuff here in the mall are even more expensive than KL! WTF right? Even food! Gosh. Not only we have lesser choice here to shop and hang out, we have lesser choice to choose cheaper options also. Not much competitions here. Sucks.

Well I have to do some research now.. I can’t blog much because I have a headache. I was sleeping earlier because I was soooooo sleepy, but mom woke me up, then I was watching Mind Your Language.. so now I have a headache from the lack of rest. So I’ll do some research and then get some sleep cuz I”m so exhausted today. Oh yeah, so far this past few days, I haven’t been staying up all night, sleeping all day Hopefully it’ll stay like that, and I’ll get my normal sleeping pattern back.

I’ve been so addicted to Glee’s soundtrack since I came back here because of no internet..there was nothing I could do but sing to kill time.. and yesterday I remembered the soundtrack I used to be obsessed with when I was about 12 or 13… EVITA.

Evita (starring Madonna and Antonio Banderas) was an epic movie. I just love the songs so much… sucks that I didn’t bring any DVD back except for my Golden Girls DVD and Glee DVD so I wanna download Evita..except… I”M RUNNING OUT OF SPACE! Gah. I have like 3 GB left… -.- PC Fair will be in early August!! So I’m thinking of making a day trip to KL by train haha. It’s easier rather than having to drive back to KL.. the train will stop at KL Sentral, and from there I’ll take the LRT train straight to KLCC (Petronas Twin Tower) to the convention center for the PC Fair. Hoping to get a either a new portable 500 GB external HDD or a new media player.. western digital maybe? Or should I get seagate? Hmmm decisions decisions…

I went shopping today! And I bought cakes

Secret Recipe cakes are t3h awesomeness. Their cheesecakes are just so good. I bought a slice of strawberry marshmallow cheesecake and a slice of peach cream cake. The cheesecake is just so damn good like omg.

Have you heard of irvingia gabonensis?

It’s apparently a tree like a mango tree which is healthy.. the benefits are: Weight loss supplement, lowers blood pressure, lowers harmful cholesterol and promotes HDL in blood lipis. Sounds good.. the thing is, I’ve never heard of this before.. anyone know if it’s available in Malaysia? Speaking of weight loss… in last few posts, I mentioned that I’m on diet pills right? Okay.. you see, for 3 weeks since I’ve been back in my hometown, I’ve been sick. I couldn’t eat a thing except drink water. I had absolutely no appetite at all. I weighed myself at the mall last month and there was no weight loss at all! I figured I hit a plateau.

So yesterday at the mall I took the scale and weighed myself and I blurted ‘WTF!’ out loud. 4 scales I tested showed that I have lost 10KG (22 lbs) in a month. Wtf! Ok, one scale showed a different one so that’s why I feel skeptical on the result of the other 3 but holy shit, if I’ve really lost 10KG in a month (mind you, without any exercise at all) then I am so fucking happy! But it kind of sound a bit too good to be true? I don’t feel like I have lost weight.. so I’ll wait until I can get a hold of a better, reliable scale. I have a feeling I’m gaining weight again because I’ve been eating fattening stuff like cheesecakes -______-

Also, at the moment my teeth are aching so bad… ARRRGH!

Well I feel tired to continue blogging even though I planned to talk about much more but I’ll continue later.

I wanna see TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE! Team Jacob FTW!