Seventh Angel [NET]

I wanted to write this post 2 days ago but I got tired and I got busy. Last Monday was a veeeeeery long day. My dermatologist appointment was supposed to be at 10.30 am but luckily I could call and postpone my appointment to 2 pm. That way I can go to places before I go back to my hometown.

I went to college first to get my result. GAH! I’m so disappointed in myself.. or maybe my lecturer sucks. How dare gave me A- for DTP class? (Destop Publishing). I slaved myself and spent a lot of money and stressed myself to the max to do the best yet I only managed an A-??? It’s like a fucking foundation class. It’s basic stuff. And having doing graphic since I was 13 or 14 and to just get an A- is like a huge disappointment. Where did I do wrong? >.<

I finally received my transcript! And a photocopy of my diploma. I have ‘almost’ graduated! Just waiting for my convocation to get my original diploma. My transcript – another HUGE disappointment. There are 2 C+ on each paper that ruined it. The rest are all A’s and B’s. I am angry at myself. I have no one and nothing to blame but myself. The reason for those 2 C’s was because I let group drama, bitches, emotion, depression, procrastination, lazyness, etc take over me and screwed me over. I am still thankful there are no D’s, but I could have avoided those C’s had I just fucking ignore all the drama and managed my time better.

My CGPA – 3.48

FML. Just 0.02 to 3.5. FML FML FML.

After college I went to Ikano to look for laptop table. I desperately want it. I like using my laptop while lying down and I don’t want to put my heavy laptop on my stomach anymore or my lap because it could burn my skin. I thought I wanted to go to digital mall or low yat because there’d be more choices there but I didn’t have time. I found a laptop table that’s quite cheap (RM49) instead of the usual RM60-90. It has a cooler too. So I bought it. When I was leaving the store, I bumped into my friend!

Haha didn’t think I’d bump into anyone. She was shocked at how much weight I’ve lost and how thin I look compared to the last time she saw me. She thought I was sick. >.< She said my body looks the same though ack. Need to start to exercise and concentrate on my body. Funny that I don’t feel like I’ve gone thin. Yes I’ve lost weight but I feel my body is the same because I haven’t exercised at all. I have all my sickness to thank for. Basically I haven’t been having much appetite since I’ve been back here. Hence why I look sick instead of healthy thin. The moment I stepped in KL, with all the restaurants and yummy food around me, my appetite instantly returned but as soon as I reached Ipoh.. all appetite gone. I bet the longer I stay in my hometown, I’d end up skeleton-thin.

Then I took my laptop table to the testing place to test the cooler fan. Went well, but suddenly as I was putting it back into the box I fucking slice my thumb! Apparently the aluminum or something was too thin and sharp at the bottom that it managed to slice my thumb quite deep. So all the way to my car it was bleeding a lot >.< The cut was not big or long but it was deep. Then I rushed to my dermatologist clinic.

I reached there half and hour late. But I asked them for a bandaid so it was all cool. I did my fraxel but I don’t want to describe it here because it’s gonna be in a different post. After I’m done, I went back to pick mom up then left KL at almost 6 pm. I tried to keep my speed at 120 kmph this time haha. I don’t have a life or auto insurance so if I crash and hurt myself and wreck the car, it’s over. Worse yet, if I die. I shudder at that thought. Freaks me out. I don’t know why up until now I still don’t have any insurance. It’s important, and I should start to have some insurance by now. I still managed to reach my hometown at 7.30 pm, just in time for buka puasa (break of fast). We went straight to ayam penyet restaurant (smashed chicken restaurant) to eat. I finally reached home at almost 10 pm. Damn. I was dead tired.

Well I need to get back to work now. My face is like itching like crazy. And I also realized I left my sunblock at my PJ place.. gah. How could I forget my most important thing especially after doing fraxel? FML.

Very long rant ahead. Just to get things out of my chest before I explode.

I have been tired this past few days. I ended fucking up my sleeping pattern again; staying up all night and sleeping all day. Anyways, next Monday I have my dermatologist appointment again so I’ll be back in PJ this Sunday. However, lately, there has been bad thunderstorms in Malaysia. Few days ago I went out to buy stuff, and food for break of fast, and suddenly it was raining extremely heavily, and shortly after, my house was flooded. It was knee-length and the water got into the car too… the next day the gear couldn’t be shifted. Luckily there wasn’t serious damage and the mechanic came and fixed it for free. In another state, 3 people were killed due to heavy storm ruining a bazaar Ramadhan when people were buying food for break of fast.

Another thing is regarding work. I’ve been asked soooooo many times about job. Can’t one take a break from the hectic college life, after stressing yourself for 3 years, ruining your body and skin from nonstop shooting day and night, rushing for deadlines for 3 days straight without sleep? Most of the annoyance comes from my family/relatives. God, I’m so sick of being asked when am I going to start working by my family, my mom especially.

Here I am to answer yours and any stranger’s questions regarding my job. YES, I do want to work, and I WILL work, and I AM working, sorta. I’ll explain now. You see, if you’re/was a film student, you know how much work we had to do. I get pissed if people compare practical students with theory students. You see, when you have to study, you’ll only torture your brain but if you’re a film student, you’ll have to torture your brain AND your body, jeopardizing your health. So that means both mentally and physically. I have been studying nonstop since I was 19. From foundation in business, to executive secretaryship, to SUPER MAJOR UBER EXTREME MENTAL TORTURE Japanese Pre-U studies, then to film studies. My brain is extremely tired after 8 years, and now my body is majorly tired and weak. I’ve been getting sick like more than 3 times since June. I am STILL sick right now but not as bad.

So I had a long talk with myself few months earlier, took a long time to decide that after I finished my college, I am going to take a break until my convocation. At first, when I did my final last December, I thought I’d start working in January. However, when my former faculty dean told me I have to finish one elective subject, and then later told me I couldn’t join my batch for convocation due to my assessment being held 2 days before the convo, I was very heartbroken. But I was then told that they’d have another convo this October (I hope) so I was happy that I don’t have to wait long.

Now why did I decide not to work now? I have my reasons. Contrary to people’s beliefs, it’s NOT, I repeat NOT because I couldn’t get a job. I COULD get a job if I want to. In fact, early this year I have been offered full time position or contract based job by my internship boss to continue working on their film (which I took part during my internship). I’ve also been called for interviews. I also could work part time here. Honestly speaking, I have a different plan, which no one knows except my mom, so don’t bother asking because I will not tell. But I’m extremely tired. I can’t handle more stress from work, crazy deadlines, pressure from people, the drama from people. I’m just simply very, very, very tired. I do wish I could go away on vacation but I’m broke.

Broke? You hear that a lot from me. I whine about it everyday. Yes, I am very broke right now. Reason? My mom and myself overspent, more than our budget this past 3 months. Reason? Very personal. This past few years I’ve found ways to support myself and ease my mom’s burden. However lately, we’ve had a lot of personal and family problems that we had to fork out more than we could afford. I do have part time work online, but because I have been sick a lot lately since I’ve been back in my hometown, I couldn’t concentrate much so I haven’t been getting much work done. I have however been concentrating on my test project for something else I’ve been planning to do. I’m not sure if I would stick with it, but hey, at least I’m not wasting time at the moment.

2nd thing, I have been trying to learn stuff a lot. You see, 85% of projects/stuff I did at college resulted from self study. Honestly, we did not learn a lot, we had to research on our own. We never touched Adobe After Effects program at college, but I learned how to use it myself a little bit. Same goes with my other mates. We did not learn much on 3D Studio Max. So to summarize, I don’t have enough skills at the moment. I’d love to be a motion graphic designer.. but how can I be one when I lack the skill of Adobe AE? Or maybe developer for something.. All the jobs I’ve been hunting for requires knowledge of programs that I have never touched. How can I apply for those jobs? How can I even impress the people with my unimpressive resume? I’m not the kind of person who just grabs whatever low-class job I can get. Sorry I have to sound a bit arrogant here, but I have relatives, friends, neighbors who are doctors, lawyers, university professors, property managers, engineers, interior designers, entrepreneurs etc.. how am I supposed to show my face at family gatherings if I say “Oh I’m working as part time crew at McDonald’s” or “I’m just a clerk at the office“??? They’re not bad jobs, but it’s the mindset of my family & relatives who WILL think I’m such a disgrace. Also when it comes to work, I do what -I- want to do, not what -other- people want me to do. This is my life, I control it, and I won’t force myself to do something I will never enjoy and will regret. I made that mistakes before, never again.

Regarding my health, if you haven’t been noticing, I haven’t been in a good shape. I haven’t been healthy. Hence why I’ve been staying in Ipoh, the reason is partly related to my health. I’ve mentioned part of my health problems online, but that’s just PART of it. You don’t know the rest of it. I decided to mention this now so in case I die you’ll know. Honestly speaking, there has been days in this past 3 months where I was literally only a step closer to meet with the grim reaper but managed to pull myself back.

There’s a lot more I want to say, but I don’t want to write 10 pages long of boring problems. I could you know. I decided to spill everything out because I’m spiraling down towards deep depression again from all the pressures I’ve been getting lately. Job, life, health, money, marriage, appearance, bla bla bla. So please don’t mention to me about job anymore. There’s a limit to one’s patience. I am currently doing something, and I have my own plans. It’s just that I haven’t been mentioning it to anyone so it appears as if I’m just relaxing here… I’m not. And even if I get a job now, it will only add to my currently piled up issues. No one knows about any of this except those of you who managed to read this up to here. Not even my mom is aware about half of my problems and worries. So yes, I’d appreciate it if everyone (especially my family) would just shut the fuck up about me getting a job or whatever other issues that might arise and let me have a peace of mind.

Speaking of job, mom told me of this news yesterday which is great!

SOURCE: The Star Online

JASIN: Part-time workers will be able to enjoy better benefits, such as Employees Provident Fund contributions and Socso coverage, under a new regulation beginning Oct 1.

Human Resources Minister Datuk Dr S. Subramaniam said the regulation under the Employment Act would allow some 18 million Malaysians to work part-time with better protection, which would in turn reduce the country’s dependency on foreign workers.

It is expected to benefit some 12 million locals working in both the private and public sectors, and 6.5 million Malaysians who can be productive but are not working at the moment, including housewives, students, undergraduates and the disabled.

“The Cabinet has agreed to the implementation of the new regulation.

“It will ensure that the protection of part-time workers’ rights and benefits is carried out in a clearer and comprehensive manner.

“Malaysians can now work to earn extra income under better protection,” he told reporters after attending a meet-the-client day programme here yesterday.

Dr Subramaniam said part-time workers would now be given salaries and other relevant benefits, such as EPF contributions, Socso coverage and medical entitlements, on a pro rata basis.

“The regulation also provides a clear guideline with formulae for employers to calculate the figures correctly,” he said.

Besides reducing dependency on foreign workers, Dr Subramaniam said the new regulation should encourage more Malaysians who were currently not working, to enter the labour force.

“Most of them are skilled and educated. If they can be included into the workforce, this will not only boost our local labour strength, but will generate more income domestically,” he added.

That sounds awesome. This way I could still work and get benefits like full time workers, while at the same time I still have time to work on whatever I might be doing in the future. That is just great news. Speaking of extra work, I wish I could get myself a mac soon.. I’m hoping by December (PC Fair hopefully) as a Christmas gift for myself (sad isn’t it?). My PC and my laptop are simply losing the capability to edit videos now.. it just lags like no one’s business. And I wish I could go somewhere for Christmas.. I wish to have a white Christmas, and see Christmas trees and decorations, with colorful C9 led christmas lights lighting up houses on the streets.. yes even though I’m a malay/muslim, I do celebrate Christmas.. no, not for the real reason which is celebrating the birth of Jesus, but just the celebration itself only. I somehow feels Christmas give me some sort of tranquility… well I’m very traditional so that means a white Christmas with presents under the trees, people caroling in the street…Christmas decorations everywhere.. choirs.. Santa…*sighs* I used to have that when I was a kid, now I have lost it all.. it seems that everything from your childhood will disappear when you’re an adult. The tradition is now gone as year 2000 enters.

Same goes to Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya celebration.. used to look forward to it when I was a kid… the joy of visiting relatives, getting money, eating the food, listening to Raya music and watching Raya shows on TV.. playing with firecrackers etc, houses lit up with oil lamp or torches (something like Tiki torches).. now my celebration is like shit.. half of tradition gone.. no relatives would come to visit us because either they’re all grown up and have moved out and have a big family, getting too old or already dead. Half of my close family have passed away.. grandma, grandpa, my 2 aunts, my 2 uncles, and lots of other relatives who died of old age. Hari Raya has no meaning to me anymore.

I don’t even know who would come to my wedding in the future, if I have one.

My house used to be full of people on Hari Raya…

…Now it’s just empty.

Gotta go. This is too emotional for me.

I am sick again, wtf. Early June, as soon as I arrived in my hometown, I got sick too but I don’t know what sickness I had because I just couldn’t breathe properly, and had no energy to do anything or any appetite to eat, and that’s how I lost a lot of weight. Well last night, my tonsil was suddenly swollen and hurting, and I couldn’t swallow at all.. shortly after, I had a very high fever. Now I think the fever is gone but my whole body is aching, too much mucus caught in my throat urgh and my head hurts.

On a different topic, next week we start Ramadhan! AKA fasting month. It’d be so much better to fast in KL because there’ll be a lot of food in the evening! But gosh I hate to think about the suffering and the torture I have to go through to queue up for the elevators because everyone would be going back home too. Here? I don’t know if it’ll be ok here. We’ll see. Also it’s time to start shopping for Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya. Shopping for clothes, new curtains, linens (like matouk), decorations..all for Eid mubarak.

Well I have to rest now.. just took some med, suddenly I’m starting to sweat. This past few days, I’ve been playing Airline Tycoon nonstop, it’s such a fun game! And I’ve also been a tycoon game downloading spree. @__@ Great, distractions from my work… I”ve been neglecting my project for 2 weeks now.

Oh yeah, PC FAIR this weekend and it makes me sad that I still can’t get my HD media player. Oh well, hopefully I’ll have some money for the pc fair at my hometown end of August, which totally sucks. You can’t find anything!

I haven’t been blogging a lot lately.. I think people are forgetting my blog . I haven’t been doing much ‘promotion’ on my blog either.  Whatever ranking I had must have decreased My blog is back to oblivion.

I hope to write more this coming few days. On Thursday I’m going back to KL again because I have dermatologist appointment this Friday so I’ll be quite busy and tired. This weekend, I’ve been going out with my friend and one place I should mention is WAREHOUSE SALE! They had sale on 3 brands – L’oreal, Garnier and Maybelline.. and plus some haircare stuff from Elseve for 3 days. Everything was DIRT CHEAP! Mostly it’s because it’s either old stock, discontinued items and clearance sale. I even emptied my bank account today to get some stuff. I will do an extensive reviews of them plus some other stuff I got earlier.. my biggest makeup haul ever.. I’ll find some time to write about it soon.

I also have a few huge and small website projects that I”m working on. Also, I have some of my almost done websites that I need to finish so I can start using them. Well, I have nothing to do here so might as well use my free time to do something. I also have to think of ways to get some money.. job or freelance work or something… I’m flat out broke as of today. My wallet is like fricken empty! Wtf. However, there is no way I’m working at McD or anything like that.. if it’s KL, it’s alright.. I mean almost every college students would work… but not in Ipoh… it’s not that common here because the cost of living here is quite low compared to KL….. or is it?

I can’t believe that majority of stuff here in the mall are even more expensive than KL! WTF right? Even food! Gosh. Not only we have lesser choice here to shop and hang out, we have lesser choice to choose cheaper options also. Not much competitions here. Sucks.

Well I have to do some research now.. I can’t blog much because I have a headache. I was sleeping earlier because I was soooooo sleepy, but mom woke me up, then I was watching Mind Your Language.. so now I have a headache from the lack of rest. So I’ll do some research and then get some sleep cuz I”m so exhausted today. Oh yeah, so far this past few days, I haven’t been staying up all night, sleeping all day Hopefully it’ll stay like that, and I’ll get my normal sleeping pattern back.

I’ve been on a download frenzy mode since yesterday. Too bad in Ipoh, fast connection is not supported yet. In KL, I could get my internet speed at around 2 Mbps or so.. but here, I can never get pass 1.5 Mbps.. and of course, it’s still slow as hell. But I’m still happy that I can still be online 24/7. I also rather download torrent at roughly around 140 kB/s with streamyx broadband instead of 25 kB/s with my celcom broadband.

I’ve been so addicted to Glee’s soundtrack since I came back here because of no internet..there was nothing I could do but sing to kill time.. and yesterday I remembered the soundtrack I used to be obsessed with when I was about 12 or 13… EVITA.

Evita (starring Madonna and Antonio Banderas) was an epic movie. I just love the songs so much… sucks that I didn’t bring any DVD back except for my Golden Girls DVD and Glee DVD so I wanna download Evita..except… I”M RUNNING OUT OF SPACE! Gah. I have like 3 GB left… -.- PC Fair will be in early August!! So I’m thinking of making a day trip to KL by train haha. It’s easier rather than having to drive back to KL.. the train will stop at KL Sentral, and from there I’ll take the LRT train straight to KLCC (Petronas Twin Tower) to the convention center for the PC Fair. Hoping to get a either a new portable 500 GB external HDD or a new media player.. western digital maybe? Or should I get seagate? Hmmm decisions decisions…

I went shopping today! And I bought cakes

Secret Recipe cakes are t3h awesomeness. Their cheesecakes are just so good. I bought a slice of strawberry marshmallow cheesecake and a slice of peach cream cake. The cheesecake is just so damn good like omg.

Have you heard of irvingia gabonensis?

It’s apparently a tree like a mango tree which is healthy.. the benefits are: Weight loss supplement, lowers blood pressure, lowers harmful cholesterol and promotes HDL in blood lipis. Sounds good.. the thing is, I’ve never heard of this before.. anyone know if it’s available in Malaysia? Speaking of weight loss… in last few posts, I mentioned that I’m on diet pills right? Okay.. you see, for 3 weeks since I’ve been back in my hometown, I’ve been sick. I couldn’t eat a thing except drink water. I had absolutely no appetite at all. I weighed myself at the mall last month and there was no weight loss at all! I figured I hit a plateau.

So yesterday at the mall I took the scale and weighed myself and I blurted ‘WTF!’ out loud. 4 scales I tested showed that I have lost 10KG (22 lbs) in a month. Wtf! Ok, one scale showed a different one so that’s why I feel skeptical on the result of the other 3 but holy shit, if I’ve really lost 10KG in a month (mind you, without any exercise at all) then I am so fucking happy! But it kind of sound a bit too good to be true? I don’t feel like I have lost weight.. so I’ll wait until I can get a hold of a better, reliable scale. I have a feeling I’m gaining weight again because I’ve been eating fattening stuff like cheesecakes -______-

Also, at the moment my teeth are aching so bad… ARRRGH!

Well I feel tired to continue blogging even though I planned to talk about much more but I’ll continue later.

I wanna see TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE! Team Jacob FTW!

Wow, surprisingly I’m connected to internet now. Before the internet dies again, I’m gonna blog a little just to update on my status with Fitness First.

After reading Larry’s comments in my previous post, I decided to call up my local bank to see if they can possibly reverse the charges. Unfortunately, they can’t. She stated that even if they try to file a complaint, it will be rejected as I have signed an agreement with FF to authorize them to use direct debit from my bank account even though I have told FF that I only authorize first month’s charge. I told my bank that it was a trick, and I was tricked into giving them my bank details because they forced the first month’s payment using my bank card since I don’t have credit card. Either that first transaction was automatically recorded into their system for easy direct debit by them or I was tricked into giving them my account number because I clearly remember refusing to give them my account details because I KNEW something this would happen. Usually it’s not a problem as I don’t have a lot of money in it, but can’t believe this time, when I have planned to go back to my hometown, the day the money from my paypal appears, they would ‘steal’ it.

What still pisses me off is that, I found out I was wrong. They didn’t charge me on the SAME day as I paid my May fees by cash (inclusive of RM15 penalty) but they already took the money THE DAY BEFORE. I realized the direct debit was on June 1st, and I paid the cash on June 2nd. WTF. The fact that they didn’t tell me both May and June are already paid and STILL took the cash from me the next day, is beyond me. It amazes me how the direct debit did not turn up in their system on the day I went there to pay cash.

Total amount paid to FF – RM585 (fuck, that’s a shitload of money gone within two days)

So the bank told me, no matter what, they can’t do anything. I have to discuss with Fitness First regarding my situation. Well…. I have no choice but to call FF again today.

I have a good news and a bad news. The good news is, after explaining my (first) case with the guy in FF, he said IT COULD BE REFUNDED. Wtf . When I called last Friday, the girl said it can’t be refunded. Okay,  now the bad news is…

IT’LL TAKE THEM 4 WEEKS TO REFUND.

Double WTF. I wouldn’t mind if I wasn’t broke, but I need to pay my bills and such. Urgh. And I don’t care about June’s fees.. they can take the RM185 out of the RM385 but refund my RM200 that I overpaid for May.

I also explained to him that when I went and requested them to freeze my account temporarily, they didn’t allow me because I need to settle my June’s fees when technically I’ve already paid for it. But he said now he can’t do anything because I still need to go there, fill up the form to request for the freeze. FML. FML FML FML. If that’s the case, then I’d still need to pay for July (because that means I can’t freeze for July) to be able to request for freezing of account for August and September. I obviously need those two months’ fees frozen because it’s going to be Ramadhan (fasting month) and then Eid Mubarak celebration

Well he said I need to talk with the CA (or something) but that person is not working today as it’s Sunday so he will ask the CA to call me back tomorrow. So we’ll see how it goes. Funny thing is, no matter how many times I told them to change my wrong phone number that they have, yet each time they still state the old wrong number again. Hmph.

Well this problem is giving me a headache. So I’m gonna go do something else now before my internet dies. I am going out with my only friend here in my hometown today. Haven’t talked to her for AGES, so have a lot to bitch about with her. And my friend from KL will be dropping by tomorrow so hopefully can see her.

And shit, I think I’m getting too obsessed with Barry Evans/Jeremy Brown from Mind Your Language…

I’m feeling a bit better today. Last night I stayed up whole night watching “Mind Your Language” and cheered me up because it’s hilarious, and watching super cute Barry Evans of course cheered me up. And I do have one extra good thing happening which I won’t tell. So since now I’m able to think straight again, I figured, if Fitness First are being jackasses and won’t refund my money, at least for June and July I won’t have to pay, and for August, September & October they better let me freeze the damn account so I don’t have to pay for the full amount. That way I can save up my money again. Also, by August, I have something to look forward to.

However, mom has been driving me crazy sometimes. My BB is driving me crazy sometimes because every time I try to tether my BB to my laptop, either it won’t connect to internet or my laptop would hang. It’s very frustrating. No internet is driving me crazy and it means that I can’t even download Glee’s finale episode for season 1 next week, and the new album coming up – Journey to Sectionals.

Oh another thing that makes me happy – the cheap China made media player (that plays videos/musics from your external HDD on your TV) that I bought 2 months ago at the pc fair works PERFECTLY on my tv here at my hometown. I had a problem when I can’t plug in one of the audio’s jack because the picture will be blur, but when it’s not plugged, one side of audio is missing.. so it means if the video utilizes both audio then the sound completely sucks. Like Glee for example, when they sing, it uses right and left audio so for my KL TV, it sounded retarded because the music is not right.

But my TV here plays everything perfectly, so I can watch my downloaded Glee on TV, and other stuff. So that makes me happy. I guess there’s always a downside of China made TV that cost RM500 compared to a Sony TV that cost RM4500+.

Well I guess with my problems now, I can still survive on bread and soup lol. Maybe I’d lose more weight. My appetite suppressant is doing a good job in controlling my appetite, so I don’t get cravings anymore. Guess it’s useful now. Speaking of weight, I hate looking at sites like weight loss success stories because there’s just way too many like these promoting like 2304823904825 products. You don’t even know which one works, real or harmful anymore.

EDIT/ Wow my comp hanged. See, I hate tethering my BB now. Luckily wordpress has autosave so I didn’t lose what I’ve written.

I’m gonna stop now, because I’m being eaten alive by mosquitoes. Urgh, one thing I like about my KL apartment is that it’s too high for mosquitoes. Here, I’m being eaten alive. T___T

I’ll reply to comments soon. I still have lots of pending blogs to write about. Argh.

I am back in my hometown and it hasn’t even been a few hours and my usual chain of bad lucks already happening.

I am blogging from my phone because I have no internet. FML

I drove all along the highway about 180km with very limited visibility due to heavy rain. FML

The worst yet is this….

I was supposed to get some money from all the extra job I’ve done within the past few months through PAYPAL. It was supposed to be available in my bank account on 1st of June so in that day, I paid for my gym… RM200 including RM15 of late penalty. I wanted to freeze my gym account because I will be in my hometown. Unfortunately I also have to pay my fees for June to even be allowed to request for freezing account. So for May payment I borrowed from my mom and I thought I’d have my money in my account already. So later that day I checked and I was shocked to see that I only have 30% of what I was supposed to receive. I thought my money wasn’t in yet. I went back to my hometown without freezing my account.

Today I checked my transaction details and to my surprise the amount I was supposed to get WAS in my account on June 1st… For less than a minute and I was again shocked to see the word ‘direct debit‘ after it and 70% of that money was deducted. I got furious.

WTF.

So I called up the bank to clarify and after speaking to a few people they said it could be my gym Fitness First that deducted that for their monthly fees. I was like WTF??? I paid every months by cash, what money would that be for? The officer was annoyed at me thinking that I’m too retarded to understand. I understood perfectly THANK YOU, and I just paid my fees so what’s the money for??

So after that I called up fitness first to clarify. My my, turns out they DID take my money WITHOUT MY AUTHORIZATION and didn’t even bother to tell me when I was there 2 days ago! They took my money to pay for May fees which I PAID ON THAT SAME DAY by cash and also June’s fees. Excuse me, I did not say I want to pay for June. It was only first of june, they deducted my money like they fucking own it and can do anything they like.

I told them I clearly said when I registered that I only authorize charge to my bank account FOR THE FIRST MONTH. I refused to give them my card at first and they insisted that they only take ATM card for first month payment and assured me they won’t auto debit after that. IT WAS JUST FOR THE FIRST MONTH ONLY. I guess I AM retarded for believing that. I knew gyms are scammers, but I didn’t expect FITNESS FIRST PLATINUM MEMBERSHIP would be tricking people too!

So technically I paid double my May fees plus June.. And she said they cannot refund so the extra is considered as july’s fees. I cannot accept this. I did not authorize it and I want my money back.

I am completely depressed about it. Basically I am now in my hometown with NO MONEY to buy food at all. That money is supposed to be used to pay back the money I owed my mom so now I can’t pay her back and she has zero cent until next pension check which is at the end of month because I borrowed her money and promised to pay her back when my money from paypal is in my account. STILL LONG WAY TO GO.

How could FITNESS FIRST do this to me? Will I be starving to death here? I haven’t cried or been this upset for months.. I won’t be needing my appetite suppressants now if that’s the case but an anti-depressant instead. When I go back to my hometown there’s always something bad. I’ve worked so hard to get that little amount of money and been saving up for months until I have an emergency..now when I do and 70% of it is gone within minutes. How could I let this happen?

I am still hoping I’d get refunded back. If starvation doesn’t kill me soon, depression might. Or maybe my anger towards those scammers would consume me and I’d get too angry that my heart stops beating and my head explodes. Trust me  I WILL create chaos there if I don’t get my money back.

There are other things that happened today but I don’t want more depression from talking about it. I’ve had enough shits for today.

I really wish that I have someone with me right now, if not to help at least to lend me a shoulder to cry on. To console me when I am in a mess. This is the time when I miss my ex. Coming back here to be reminded of him makes my heart ache so bad.

…… FML.

I’m so lazy to blog long with pictures today. For the past 2 days I’ve been playing with my Nintendo DSi until my eyes are blurry. I haven’t touched my DSi  for quite a long time since I was busy with my final year at college.  I forgot how much fun DSi can be when you want to learn Japanese. I’ve been revising my kanji writing and the basic hiragana/katakana… I can say that I am ashamed of myself that I even get the strokes for hiragana wrong! I don’t even remember most of katakana.. let alone remember the onyomi and kunyomi of first grade kanji! WTF. I spent a year in Japanese school, being tortured to death by the hectic life of Japan people, stressing myself to the max for what? Only to forget 90% of what I’ve learned there a few years later. Gah.

I’m going back to my hometown this week so I’m gonna start doing some Kanji revision.

Okay, apart from that, I have also been watching/reading news/videos about past airline crashes… I believe it has somewhat traumatized me now… I’ve been obsessing about the Air India Express crash since it happened… particularly on the passenger ‘Harshini Poonja‘, a 17 (or 18, or 19, or 20) year old girl who is now infamous because of her last twitter posting at the airport before she got on the ill-fated plane.

“@netizentwo: At the airport and blah =_= Only thing to look forward to is the rain.“

That is chillingly disturbing to know that shortly later she would end up charred to death… been reading her blog, news about her.. unfortunately the facebook of ALL of Dubai residents that knew her, including her own facebook are set to private.. so can’t get to know her more however some of her pictures make me extremely sad.. she was so young, pretty and innocent looking and have a full bright future ahead of her, but that’s all not gonna happen now.

Sujata Survase‘s (the cabin crew) ORKUT’s last update was “I hate goodbyes but I guess it’s time“… even though her facebook had that same status message but it was a while ago, but still… however her facebook is no longer available.. maybe the family contacted FB for it to be deleted.

Then yesterday I’ve been watching two episodes of Airline Crash Investigation.. for the episode about Adam Air that crashed into the ocean and disappeared… listened to the black box recording of the pilots minutes before they crash and… that’s what TRAUMATIZD me.. it was so disturbing beyond words…to hear the voices of people who are about to die, to know what the last few minutes of their lives was like…God.

The other episode was the mid-air collision between Bashkirian Airlines Flight 2937 / DHL Flight 611… yes if you know me, you’d know that I can get extremely addicted and obsessed when it comes to something mysterious.. this is a sad case when that flight had really gifted smart children/prodigies that would have a very bright future only to meet with death unexpectedly 30,000 feet above… this is particularly a scary one to know that the DHL plane’s tail kinda ‘sliced’ through the belly of the Bashkirian plane and it split into two- IN MID AIR! Imagine if you were in that plane, and you were sleeping peacefully and suddenly within seconds the plane splits into two and you might end up thrown out, falling to your death and your body sorta ‘explodes’ in bits and pieces and parts of you landed in the area within kilometres apart. How tragic is that??

I wanted to see what the bodies were like (yes this is part of my morbid fascination, strange curiosity) but I could only find one picture of a woman..and what’s left of her was only the head down to the left side of the shoulder and left upper arm. One out of her two daughters was found intact by their father who helped with the search. The guy lost his entire family – a wife and two kids, and eventually got crazy and soon later he stabbed the air traffic controller Peter Nielsen to death for ‘causing’ the mid air collision. It wasn’t his fault entirely but he, too, ended up with death. Tragic, very tragic.

Okay, enough about that before I get obsessed again.

On a slightly happier note (for me), I have lost 3 kg in 3 days since I took the pills from my doctor… WOOT. Okay, it might be just the water weight but I’m still happy to see the numbers go down in the scale. Hopefully it has no side effect.. the medicine includes fat burning pill which I’m hoping it would burn away my extra fat.. I’ve never been at this weight, and to start to feel all the bulges make me very, very uncomfortable…so that’s a wake up call for me telling me it’s time for a change before I get way too fat and be in the danger of obesity and the sickness obesity will give you.

Can’t wait to go back to my hometown, in my nice house, no low-class immigrants & villagers, no broken elevators, no cramped space.. so I can do a lot of dancing & exercising in my living room aka my bedroom (yes I sleep in the living room on the first floor). Only thing I’m worried about is the internet….. I can’t rely on my phone to connect my laptop to internet everytime, I need the fixed line…so I can download stuff.. like Glee episodes!

PS: Watched 2 episodes of “Mind Your Language” yesterday. Always wanted to watch this to see if it’s funny… I was instantly hooked! God I love British sitcoms.

I just got back from my dermatologist appointment today to do my 4th fraxel treatment.

The procedure is as usual, no change. Painkiller, alcohol on my face before the numbing cream, then the treatment. But this time, they took like almost 2 hours to let the numbing cream set. Maybe because the last time it was painful as hell for me.. I was technically screaming ‘yowza’ every minute.. I thought they had forgotten about me in the room, haha. So before my treatment starts, I told them I’m so not happy with the texture of the skin.. it’s like the fraxel made all my pores so large like they’re magnified 10x bigger, and the surgery scars are so very obvious still.. so I think they up the density or something for the spot treatment… the pain was eh… but tolerable. Like I said it usually fees like tiny needles poking your skin lightly..

However the 2nd time was very ouch. Because it was spot treatment, felt like one huge needle poking a spot once and deep.. hurts like a bitch. But other than that, it was okay. Not so bad. My face was so numb hehe.. and no pain afterward because of the painkiller. Now, about 5 hours later, numbness is gone, so kinda feels a little throbbing but it’s just a light one but my face is very swollen and blue-blackish?

I hope I’d at least see some improvement on the stupid surgery scars after because seriously, it’s pissing me off to no end. Oh yeah, I also finally got some slimming pills from them. Could this be the best diet pills and actually work? We will see.

I need some rest now. I feel like vomiting for no reason.