Heartbroken.

March 27, 2015 at 12:25 AM

depressed girlI’m heartbroken. I’ve experienced yet another unexpected death of my cat.

I had this orange tabby cat that appeared at my house out of nowhere 4+ months ago. He was very sick, wounded and had terrible mange that covered his whole body. He also had high fever. I couldn’t just let him die so I took him to the vet since his mange was also infecting my other outdoor cats. This was about 2+ months ago. His mange was so terrible that the veterinarian and her assistants reacted to it. They were shocked.

But a week after he got his shot, his mange was completely gone. I could finally see his big, round eyes and he turned into hyperactive yet superhungry kitty. He was hungry all the time! He’s very clingy and loving kitty, and follows you around.

Yesterday, something horrible happened. At about 3 am, I heard a lot of dogs barking outside. Sometimes a group of stray dog would cross the street and come to my neighborhood, and usually they would make a lot of noises when they see my neighbor’s dog. I thought it was that until I heard a cat screaming. I ran down, saw the dogs ran away and then my heart just broke.

I saw him lying on the road outside.

I picked him up, he was already dead, I tried to resuscitate him, do CPR (not that I know how) but nothing worked. He was gone. I was too late. I just broke down and cried. I can’t express my feelings right now. This is only 3 months after my beloved Puteh died so suddenly and I’m not over his death yet, but now I have to deal with another one. Not only that, all of my cats are sick right now due to extreme hot weather. I hate my life. I hate being depressed all the time.

A week ago I was terribly sick as well – strep throat infection, which led to high fever. Luckily it didn’t take long and wasn’t as torturous as last year. My friend who’s been in London for a while came to visit on Saturday and we went to karaoke on Sunday. That was the only time when I felt happy. Turns out it’s to prepare me for this massive devastation. Plus, yesterday my hosting account was suspended and it took me 1 1/2 days to solve the issues with them. Glad everything’s back up online though. My paid blogging company finally paid last night right after my account was suspended. Geez, terrible timing.

My writing career flopped. The last rejection kind of demotivated me to continue. What’s the point in continuing anymore? I’m going to stop chasing that career and do it as a hobby from now on. At least that way you don’t get disappointed. Well, until I could stabilize my financial that is. That’s the most important thing right now.

I wish I had all the money in the world so I could move out. I hate this place. I hate this house I’m living in. I’ve never been happy, not once, growing up in this house. Too many bad memories. If I don’t turn my life soon around, then I don’t know how long I could last. I’m determined to have one last fight. Hopefully this is it… this upcoming project will either make me or break me.

RIP stray orange tabby cat.
I didn’t even get a chance to give you a name or take a picture of you.
I don’t want to forget you, so I’m gonna google a random picture of a cat that almost looks like you, except you had a short tail… you can rest in peace now T___T

My only consolation is that I’ve tried my best to take care of him. I helped extended his life by treating him till he got better otherwise he would’ve been dead 3+ months ago with his condition…

Going to try to distract myself now with other things…

orange-tabby-nestle-purina