…yo mama reads my blog
Archive for August, 2010
Long Monday
21 year ago
I wanted to write this post 2 days ago but I got tired and I got busy. Last Monday was a veeeeeery long day. My dermatologist appointment was supposed to be at 10.30 am but luckily I could call and postpone my appointment to 2 pm. That way I can go to places before I go back to my hometown.
I went to college first to get my result. GAH! I’m so disappointed in myself.. or maybe my lecturer sucks. How dare gave me A- for DTP class? (Destop Publishing). I slaved myself and spent a lot of money and stressed myself to the max to do the best yet I only managed an A-??? It’s like a fucking foundation class. It’s basic stuff. And having doing graphic since I was 13 or 14 and to just get an A- is like a huge disappointment. Where did I do wrong? >.<
I finally received my transcript! And a photocopy of my diploma. I have ‘almost’ graduated! Just waiting for my convocation to get my original diploma. My transcript – another HUGE disappointment. There are 2 C+ on each paper that ruined it. The rest are all A’s and B’s. I am angry at myself. I have no one and nothing to blame but myself. The reason for those 2 C’s was because I let group drama, bitches, emotion, depression, procrastination, lazyness, etc take over me and screwed me over. I am still thankful there are no D’s, but I could have avoided those C’s had I just fucking ignore all the drama and managed my time better.
My CGPA – 3.48
FML. Just 0.02 to 3.5. FML FML FML.
After college I went to Ikano to look for laptop table. I desperately want it. I like using my laptop while lying down and I don’t want to put my heavy laptop on my stomach anymore or my lap because it could burn my skin. I thought I wanted to go to digital mall or low yat because there’d be more choices there but I didn’t have time. I found a laptop table that’s quite cheap (RM49) instead of the usual RM60-90. It has a cooler too. So I bought it. When I was leaving the store, I bumped into my friend!
Haha didn’t think I’d bump into anyone. She was shocked at how much weight I’ve lost and how thin I look compared to the last time she saw me. She thought I was sick. >.< She said my body looks the same though ack. Need to start to exercise and concentrate on my body. Funny that I don’t feel like I’ve gone thin. Yes I’ve lost weight but I feel my body is the same because I haven’t exercised at all. I have all my sickness to thank for. Basically I haven’t been having much appetite since I’ve been back here. Hence why I look sick instead of healthy thin. The moment I stepped in KL, with all the restaurants and yummy food around me, my appetite instantly returned but as soon as I reached Ipoh.. all appetite gone. I bet the longer I stay in my hometown, I’d end up skeleton-thin.
Then I took my laptop table to the testing place to test the cooler fan. Went well, but suddenly as I was putting it back into the box I fucking slice my thumb! Apparently the aluminum or something was too thin and sharp at the bottom that it managed to slice my thumb quite deep. So all the way to my car it was bleeding a lot >.< The cut was not big or long but it was deep. Then I rushed to my dermatologist clinic.
I reached there half and hour late. But I asked them for a bandaid so it was all cool. I did my fraxel but I don’t want to describe it here because it’s gonna be in a different post. After I’m done, I went back to pick mom up then left KL at almost 6 pm. I tried to keep my speed at 120 kmph this time haha. I don’t have a life insurance so if I crash and hurt myself and wreck the car, it’s over. Worse yet, if I die. I shudder at that thought. Freaks me out. I don’t know why up until now I still don’t have any insurance. It’s important, and I should start to have some insurance by now. I still managed to reach my hometown at 7.30 pm, just in time for buka puasa (break of fast). We went straight to ayam penyet restaurant (smashed chicken restaurant) to eat. I finally reached home at almost 10 pm. Damn. I was dead tired.
Well I need to get back to work now. My face is like itching like crazy. And I also realized I left my sunblock at my PJ place.. gah. How could I forget my most important thing especially after doing fraxel? FML.
Phone Insurance
01 year ago
Just a quick blog. I’ll write a longer blog after this post. Just thought I’d quickly write a word of advice. When I was talking to my friends last Sunday, one of them mentioned about how often he’d lose his phone either by dropping or losing it somewhere. Then 2 days ago my other friend mentioned that he lost his phone too. So I googled, and didn’t know that there’s such thing as phone insurance. There’s iphone insurance and even for blackberry. I would kill myself if I lose my BB because I can never afford a new one even though a new BB Torch is coming out and it’s a perfect BB phone to date, I can never afford it. I want a new Iphone 4 but it’ll be a while before I could afford it. But the thought of losing such expensive phone freaks me out. Especially since my old DS Lite was stolen when it was inside my bag it could happen to my phone too. Gah. Is there such thing as phone insurance in Malaysia?
Kancil Adrenaline Rush
21 year ago
Just thought I’d write a quick blog.
I’m in PJ now. I have dermatologist appointment tomorrow. Gosh, kinda reluctant to see them tomorrow cuz when I was sick couple of weeks ago, I haven’t been taking care of my skin and now I have like stupid blemishes and pimples and new scars on my forehead and cheeks. Urgh. It suuuucks.
I left my hometown at almost 6 pm >.< You see, it has been cloudy since morning so I’ve been scared to drive. Scared it would rain on the highway, like extremely heavy rain and I wouldn’t be able to see the road. It’s one hell of a scary thing. But since I have a ‘mini reunion’ with my ex japanese classmates at 7 pm so I said what the hell. Luckily it was drizzling up until a certain point then the weather was nice so yay. Plus I wanted to reach as fast as I could and I was speeding like 140kmph on the highway with a small ‘kancil’ car. I’ve never done that! You see, speeding with kancil car is suicidal. You go over 120kmph and the car will start to wobble. But yesterday mom sent the car for checkup and they replaced some stuff which friggin cost her RM500 (see, back to being broke again). It made my shitty car become so smooth that I didn’t even realize I was speeding at almost the max limit. o.O; usually by 120kmph the car would start to shake and if I pass huge vehicles like lorry or trailer, feels like the car’s about to fly haha That’s how light that car is.
Anyways, reached midvalley at 7.30 pm, had an amusing reunion with my mates and I learned a new word ‘rich man syndrome’ which I like so much that I’m gonna use it from now on haha. Poor mom though, she had to wait like 2 1/2 hours there alone waiting for me :\ Gosh being in midvalley sucks because so many restaurants, so much yummy food that I miss and can’t find in my hometown :\ I wish I have time to hangout with my other friends here 
I miss everyone but reaching at my place here reminds me of how much I hate this place, the people, the queuing up the elevators, the trash, the low class people, the double parking or no parking space… gosh.
Hmm I wish I have electric grills cuz I’m in the mood to eat some grilled chicken. x.x Okay, my eyes are like burning right now.. I’ve been way too sleepy. Been spending hours on computer earlier, luckily I didn’t fall asleep in the car. I miss my kitties in my hometown. Feels so lonely here without them, especially my Jojo who always yell at me. I wonder what they’re doing in Ipoh right now.. cuz Jojo is very attached to me, so she’s gonna be pissed when I’m not there lol.
Ok time to sleep.
The Vampire Diaries vs Twilight Saga
91 year ago
Hello dearies. I have written 2 emo blog posts previously so I thought I’d write something that’s not serious now. I’ve also decided to blog about this to keep my sudden obsession from driving me nuts. Picture heavy entry ahead.
Have you guys watched “THE VAMPIRE DIARIES“?
Life Wasted
51 year ago
I’ve been wasting 3 months of my life here, and probably will for another 1 month+ or so. I realized that my body becomes very tired because I haven’t been doing much. I feel life here is very slow, dull, lame and so on. Day by day I’m starting to feel very unhappy. I used to be happy here, I used to have a life. I had friends, I had bf, I had relatives… now it’s just very very very empty. Everyone has moved on to a new life, or to the other side while I’m still stuck here in this hell-hole. I feel like I want to do something, make new friends, but WHAT is there to do here?! I only have my one and only friend here and we could go out on the weekends only, that’s if she’s not busy or I’m not sick. But everytime we go out, we’d go to the same lame place.
I miss PJ. I miss my life there. I miss my friends. However my bestie is leaving me soon, and there I would be alone again. I have other friends, but she somehow turned to be the closest to me. We have a lot of things in common. We have the same interest & passion for films, we have the same interest for things, we have the same interest in food.. she’s also my sakae sushi buddy. Haha. What’s most important is our mindset. You see, it’s very hard for me to really click with people because I’m very Americanized so it’s hard for people to really understand me and my interest and the way I think. But she’s just like me, and that’s why we seem to click so well because we understand each other. I remember she was the only one who understood and loved Rocky Horror Picture Show, found Ms Swan funny (that’s how we met haha) and would find David Lehre, Craig & Allen cute haha. With her I don’t have to fake myself and pretend, because with others I have to sorta like ‘personalize’ myself for them.. like with malays I have to talk and act differently, and so on with chinese & indians depending on their personality. Now I have no one to go to a party or events with No one to spend a whole day long at the mall wandering aimlessly. I’ll miss you bitch and don’t you dare forget about me T____________T
I don’t have a lot of close friends that could understand me well. Hence why in my hometown, I only have one friend whom would still stick with me because we have a lot of things in common. She, too, mentioned quite a while ago about transferring to another state. Hence why my second ex and third ex could stick with me for a long time because one of them is Australian/Chinese and the other one is Canadian…my first malay ex stuck with me for 2 fucking days wtf… but unfortunately once you break up, they won’t give a shit anymore even if they mentioned that they would continue being best friends forever. They’re just a bunch of lies. They won’t give a shit if you die. They’ve stopped talking to you. They would only care if you’re their gf. And they aren’t the only ones.. I’ve had a couple more online years ago, 1 short fling, and 2 that was unexpected.. but they’re all just the same. That’s why relationship could destroy a person. It hurts too much.
Nobody knows how much it hurts to come back here in my hometown and not to have that certain someone with me anymore. It really fucking hurts. But I guess I’m used to this now.. I guess I’m meant to be alone for now… Whatever plans God have for me, I hope it’ll be a good one in the future.
However, I’m no longer completely broke 
My paypal money from all the online works is finally in my account since yesterday so I can re-activate my phone line, and spend some for Eid celebration. Mom also received her pension today. I’ve also received my study loan balance which was in my account for 1 second before it automatically went to my college’s account. T___T It was a bitch trying to call college yesterday to confirm if they still have my refund form but when I finally talked to the person, she mentioned it might take 2-3 weeks more to refund. I actually don’t mind, because I want to use that money in December, to buy my own Christmas gift. I’m thinking of getting myself a Mac or Macbook Pro, but I don’t know if I should spend RM4,000 at once on a mac :\ But I need a mac to do editing… at least I could freelance. But… RM4,000 could be spent on a lot of things… T__T
I feel like playing Second Life again.. just so that I don’t feel lonely but gosh, I’ve lost everything that I had before so it also hurts to go back in and not have everything that I used to have. But I still remember that SL was the only thing that saved me from insanity after my first extreme breakup and loneliness in Ipoh back in 2007. Maybe I should give it a chance again and start fresh. I just love the fact that I can be whoever I can’t be in real life. I can wear sexy costumes because I can modify myself to look sexy unlike my real self, haha. Maybe after I’m done with my friggin project I’ll try loggin in again and see how it goes.
Wow this post turned out to be longer than I intended it to be.
My Job, My Woe, My Story
41 year ago
Very long rant ahead. Just to get things out of my chest before I explode.
I have been tired this past few days. I ended fucking up my sleeping pattern again; staying up all night and sleeping all day. Anyways, next Monday I have my dermatologist appointment again so I’ll be back in PJ this Sunday. However, lately, there has been bad thunderstorms in Malaysia. Few days ago I went out to buy stuff, and food for break of fast, and suddenly it was raining extremely heavily, and shortly after, my house was flooded. It was knee-length and the water got into the car too… the next day the gear couldn’t be shifted. Luckily there wasn’t serious damage and the mechanic came and fixed it for free. In another state, 3 people were killed due to heavy storm ruining a bazaar Ramadhan when people were buying food for break of fast.
Another thing is regarding work. I’ve been asked soooooo many times about job. Can’t one take a break from the hectic college life, after stressing yourself for 3 years, ruining your body and skin from nonstop shooting day and night, rushing for deadlines for 3 days straight without sleep? Most of the annoyance comes from my family/relatives. God, I’m so sick of being asked when am I going to start working by my family, my mom especially.
Here I am to answer yours and any stranger’s questions regarding my job. YES, I do want to work, and I WILL work, and I AM working, sorta. I’ll explain now. You see, if you’re/was a film student, you know how much work we had to do. I get pissed if people compare practical students with theory students. You see, when you have to study, you’ll only torture your brain but if you’re a film student, you’ll have to torture your brain AND your body, jeopardizing your health. So that means both mentally and physically. I have been studying nonstop since I was 19. From foundation in business, to executive secretaryship, to SUPER MAJOR UBER EXTREME MENTAL TORTURE Japanese Pre-U studies, then to film studies. My brain is extremely tired after 8 years, and now my body is majorly tired and weak. I’ve been getting sick like more than 3 times since June. I am STILL sick right now but not as bad.
So I had a long talk with myself few months earlier, took a long time to decide that after I finished my college, I am going to take a break until my convocation. At first, when I did my final last December, I thought I’d start working in January. However, when my former faculty dean told me I have to finish one elective subject, and then later told me I couldn’t join my batch for convocation due to my assessment being held 2 days before the convo, I was very heartbroken. But I was then told that they’d have another convo this October (I hope) so I was happy that I don’t have to wait long.
Now why did I decide not to work now? I have my reasons. Contrary to people’s beliefs, it’s NOT, I repeat NOT because I couldn’t get a job. I COULD get a job if I want to. In fact, early this year I have been offered full time position or contract based job by my internship boss to continue working on their film (which I took part during my internship). I’ve also been called for interviews. I also could work part time here. Honestly speaking, I have a different plan, which no one knows except my mom, so don’t bother asking because I will not tell. But I’m extremely tired. I can’t handle more stress from work, crazy deadlines, pressure from people, the drama from people. I’m just simply very, very, very tired. I do wish I could go away on vacation but I’m broke.
Broke? You hear that a lot from me. I whine about it everyday. Yes, I am very broke right now. Reason? My mom and myself overspent, more than our budget this past 3 months. Reason? Very personal. This past few years I’ve found ways to support myself and ease my mom’s burden. However lately, we’ve had a lot of personal and family problems that we had to fork out more than we could afford. I do have part time work online, but because I have been sick a lot lately since I’ve been back in my hometown, I couldn’t concentrate much so I haven’t been getting much work done. I have however been concentrating on my test project for something else I’ve been planning to do. I’m not sure if I would stick with it, but hey, at least I’m not wasting time at the moment.
2nd thing, I have been trying to learn stuff a lot. You see, 85% of projects/stuff I did at college resulted from self study. Honestly, we did not learn a lot, we had to research on our own. We never touched Adobe After Effects program at college, but I learned how to use it myself a little bit. Same goes with my other mates. We did not learn much on 3D Studio Max. So to summarize, I don’t have enough skills at the moment. I’d love to be a motion graphic designer.. but how can I be one when I lack the skill of Adobe AE? Or maybe developer for something.. All the jobs I’ve been hunting for requires knowledge of programs that I have never touched. How can I apply for those jobs? How can I even impress the people with my unimpressive resume? I’m not the kind of person who just grabs whatever low-class job I can get. Sorry I have to sound a bit arrogant here, but I have relatives, friends, neighbors who are doctors, lawyers, university professors, property managers, engineers, interior designers, entrepreneurs etc.. how am I supposed to show my face at family gatherings if I say “Oh I’m working as part time crew at McDonald’s” or “I’m just a clerk at the office“??? They’re not bad jobs, but it’s the mindset of my family & relatives who WILL think I’m such a disgrace. Also when it comes to work, I do what -I- want to do, not what -other- people want me to do. This is my life, I control it, and I won’t force myself to do something I will never enjoy and will regret. I made that mistakes before, never again.
Regarding my health, if you haven’t been noticing, I haven’t been in a good shape. I haven’t been healthy. Hence why I’ve been staying in Ipoh, the reason is partly related to my health. I’ve mentioned part of my health problems online, but that’s just PART of it. You don’t know the rest of it. I decided to mention this now so in case I die you’ll know. Honestly speaking, there has been days in this past 3 months where I was literally only a step closer to meet with the grim reaper but managed to pull myself back.
There’s a lot more I want to say, but I don’t want to write 10 pages long of boring problems. I could you know. I decided to spill everything out because I’m spiraling down towards deep depression again from all the pressures I’ve been getting lately. Job, life, health, money, marriage, appearance, bla bla bla. So please don’t mention to me about job anymore. There’s a limit to one’s patience. I am currently doing something, and I have my own plans. It’s just that I haven’t been mentioning it to anyone so it appears as if I’m just relaxing here… I’m not. And even if I get a job now, it will only add to my currently piled up issues. No one knows about any of this except those of you who managed to read this up to here. Not even my mom is aware about half of my problems and worries. So yes, I’d appreciate it if everyone (especially my family) would just shut the fuck up about me getting a job or whatever other issues that might arise and let me have a peace of mind.
Speaking of job, mom told me of this news yesterday which is great!
SOURCE: The Star Online
JASIN: Part-time workers will be able to enjoy better benefits, such as Employees Provident Fund contributions and Socso coverage, under a new regulation beginning Oct 1.
Human Resources Minister Datuk Dr S. Subramaniam said the regulation under the Employment Act would allow some 18 million Malaysians to work part-time with better protection, which would in turn reduce the country’s dependency on foreign workers.
It is expected to benefit some 12 million locals working in both the private and public sectors, and 6.5 million Malaysians who can be productive but are not working at the moment, including housewives, students, undergraduates and the disabled.
“The Cabinet has agreed to the implementation of the new regulation.
“It will ensure that the protection of part-time workers’ rights and benefits is carried out in a clearer and comprehensive manner.
“Malaysians can now work to earn extra income under better protection,” he told reporters after attending a meet-the-client day programme here yesterday.
Dr Subramaniam said part-time workers would now be given salaries and other relevant benefits, such as EPF contributions, Socso coverage and medical entitlements, on a pro rata basis.
“The regulation also provides a clear guideline with formulae for employers to calculate the figures correctly,” he said.
Besides reducing dependency on foreign workers, Dr Subramaniam said the new regulation should encourage more Malaysians who were currently not working, to enter the labour force.
“Most of them are skilled and educated. If they can be included into the workforce, this will not only boost our local labour strength, but will generate more income domestically,” he added.
That sounds awesome. This way I could still work and get benefits like full time workers, while at the same time I still have time to work on whatever I might be doing in the future. That is just great news. Speaking of extra work, I wish I could get myself a mac soon.. I’m hoping by December (PC Fair hopefully) as a Christmas gift for myself (sad isn’t it?). My PC and my laptop are simply losing the capability to edit videos now.. it just lags like no one’s business. And I wish I could go somewhere for Christmas.. I wish to have a white Christmas, and see Christmas trees and decorations, with colorful C9 led christmas lights lighting up houses on the streets.. yes even though I’m a malay/muslim, I do celebrate Christmas.. no, not for the real reason which is celebrating the birth of Jesus, but just the celebration itself only. I somehow feels Christmas give me some sort of tranquility… well I’m very traditional so that means a white Christmas with presents under the trees, people caroling in the street…Christmas decorations everywhere.. choirs.. Santa…*sighs* I used to have that when I was a kid, now I have lost it all.. it seems that everything from your childhood will disappear when you’re an adult. The tradition is now gone as year 2000 enters.
Same goes to Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya celebration.. used to look forward to it when I was a kid… the joy of visiting relatives, getting money, eating the food, listening to Raya music and watching Raya shows on TV.. playing with firecrackers etc, houses lit up with oil lamp or torches (something like Tiki torches).. now my celebration is like shit.. half of tradition gone.. no relatives would come to visit us because either they’re all grown up and have moved out and have a big family, getting too old or already dead. Half of my close family have passed away.. grandma, grandpa, my 2 aunts, my 2 uncles, and lots of other relatives who died of old age. Hari Raya has no meaning to me anymore.
I don’t even know who would come to my wedding in the future, if I have one.
My house used to be full of people on Hari Raya…
…Now it’s just empty.
Gotta go. This is too emotional for me.
Happy Ramadhan!
101 year ago
Happy Ramadhan!
Happy fasting!
So tomorrow, actually it’s past midnight now so it’s today, muslims will start the fasting month.. I love fasting month, the only thing I don’t like is the temptation During the daytime when you see food ads on TV or when you go shopping and you see non-muslims drinking or munching something but you can only see. The good thing is that, fasting month means it’s only one month away from Eid celebration, so time for shopping! And there’ll also be lots of food in the evening before the break of fast. And also you’ll lose weight, haha.
Another thing is that, they say it’s the time of month when the satans/devils will be locked up. So this is the month where you can walk at night with confidence. It’s also the month where the dead will be free from ‘torture’. Funny thing is that, this month, for the chinese, coincidentally it’s their ‘The Ghost Festival/Hungry Ghost Month‘. For them, it is the month where the gates of hell opens and the dead walk amongst the living (I think). Funny how these two intertwined in the same month for 2 different cultures/beliefs this year.
Speaking of ghosts, few days ago, I was paranoid. You see, my cat would usually sleep calmly at night but that one night, she was just staring at a corner as if she saw something that I can’t see.. she had that look as if she sees a stranger, with a shocked look on her face. I got so scared because I’ve had some strange occurrences since I was young (yes creepy ones) and few days prior to that, I had the scariest nightmare that made me wake up with my heart beating so fast and hard. Yes it was THAT scary and I have high tolerance for nightmare and scary stuff, so for me to be that scared means for those who gets scared easily, it would KILL you. It was pure nightmare.
Also my house has been broken into before. Whenever I’m here, I always get scared when I hear any noise outside. I prolly would be less scared if I had security cameras or any sort of security system in my house. My neighborhood gets so lonely and so quiet at night, you won’t even see a sight of stray cats outside… that’s how lonely it is. You could literally hear a pin drop, that’s how quiet it is. Since I sleep in the living room downstairs, so I have to turn on TV at night so I don’t get paranoid or hysterical.
Oh yeah, I was sick last week right? On Sunday, I woke up with no voice. I lost my voice but thankfully I gained back my voice few hours later before I went out with my friend. I seriously thought I was getting better.. but boy was I wrong. The next day I woke up with no voice again, and this time IT STAYED. This past 2 days I’ve been struggling to talk, and been using sign language. Now I know how deaf/muted people feels like. I also was coughing so badly last night to the point of vomiting. So mom gave me her cough syrup that she got from the hospital and it seems that it kinda worked. I gained back my voice a bit today, and so far I haven’t been coughing like mad.
Well I’m kinda busy with my new website now, need to finish it asap, so I’m gonna get back to it now.
I am sick again, wtf
51 year ago
I am sick again, wtf. Early June, as soon as I arrived in my hometown, I got sick too but I don’t know what sickness I had because I just couldn’t breathe properly, and had no energy to do anything or any appetite to eat, and that’s how I lost a lot of weight. Well last night, my tonsil was suddenly swollen and hurting, and I couldn’t swallow at all.. shortly after, I had a very high fever. Now I think the fever is gone but my whole body is aching, too much mucus caught in my throat urgh and my head hurts.
On a different topic, next week we start Ramadhan! AKA fasting month. It’d be so much better to fast in KL because there’ll be a lot of food in the evening! But gosh I hate to think about the suffering and the torture I have to go through to queue up for the elevators because everyone would be going back home too. Here? I don’t know if it’ll be ok here. We’ll see. Also it’s time to start shopping for Eid Mubarak/Hari Raya. 
Shopping for clothes, new curtains, linens (like matouk), decorations..all for Eid mubarak.
Well I have to rest now.. just took some med, suddenly I’m starting to sweat. This past few days, I’ve been playing Airline Tycoon nonstop, it’s such a fun game! And I’ve also been a tycoon game downloading spree. @__@ Great, distractions from my work… I”ve been neglecting my project for 2 weeks now.
Oh yeah, PC FAIR this weekend and it makes me sad that I still can’t get my HD media player. Oh well, hopefully I’ll have some money for the pc fair at my hometown end of August, which totally sucks. You can’t find anything!
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