Sorry about the previous emo post. I get emo when I’m alone. Or perhaps acne treatments med I’m taking is taking an effect on my mood because that’s what accutane does. Bleh. Still all emo today but not gonna do an emo post.

Yesterday I went for my Video Production 2 class… and I was already half an hour late on purpose lol Because the lecturer even said the glass door opened at 9.15 am, so technically I was only 15 minutes late and it didn’t even matter. However, I already skipped the class last week doing the zoo volunteer thing and I had no idea where the class was. I saw this woman in a class alone and I had no idea if that was the class but I proceed to enter and ask anyway. After ONE HOUR of waiting and no one came! What the fark???

Yes I was the only one out of 6 that was there. Through my entire 2 years of being in that college, I have never been the only one that attended a class. On a Saturday some more. So it was like one-on-one tutoring yesterday. I get to know quite a lot in the production world since she has a lot of experiences before. But she talked too much and she dragged my time until like 12.15 pm.. so then I was rushing to Times Square in KL to meet up with er.. this girl .. I’m still gonna call you Skyler until you confirm a new name >.>

I hate going there during the weekend! URGH. Too many people.. too many fucked up malay boys who think they look so good dressed in tight pants and wearing woman’s bag or the malay lala girls who think they’re fit to dress like a celebrity but actually look retarded. Anyways. So we went to look for camcorders.. we ate at Papa John’s Pizza and their calzone and cheese sticks were damn good.. then we went to Sungei Wang.. and oh.. we saw this sex toy shop and we decided to check it out FOR FUN. There was this acne faced fugly guy who was so gross trying to hit on Skyler, and it was damn hilarious cuz she looked freaked out and the guy was describing and explaining the difference between Japanese girls and Malaysian girls, how to use vibrators and which ‘we’ (or just ’she’) should buy and disgusting stuff like that. It was really damn hilarious I tell you.

I reached home at like 10-ish pm.. luckily I could find one parking spot. Was so tired. I have so much stuff to plan and do but i have no mood. Oh well. Gonna play a game and watch High School Musical now on Disney channel.

Everytime I write a blog, I’ll try to find something cheerful and fun to talk about. It’s not fun to be classified as an ‘attention seeker/whore’ if you write too much emo posts. Some people may want to seek attention. It’s true I do too, sometimes. But do you realize why? It’s because we want help. We want our problems to be known. Some do it for sympathy. I don’t want sympathy. I write why I’m depressed because I want someone to help me get through it. Not to just get sympathy. Or be mocked.

If you haven’t been in major/serious depression, don’t talk to me as if you have such a great life that you feel sorry for me. It make matters worse. Right now, I feel so alone. I have absolutely no one to make me happy anymore. I’ve attempted suicide years ago. I’ve cut myself to feel good with all the pain I inflicted on myself but I don’t want to go back there. I don’t want to do that anymore. I don’t want more scars to remind me of how useless my life was. How I’ve wasted my life. How pathetic and stupid I was. How I was a nobody.

But sometimes, I have to question myself. Why? Why is it that I can help people, I can dedicate so much of my time caring and solving other people’s problems, listening to their problems, cheering them up and yet there’s absolutely no one that knows behind my smile, my laughter, my cheerful personality that I’m slowly killing myself under all the pretense? There’s no one that can do to me what I’m doing to people – to get better. I just wish I can find someone that understands me, that can be there for me through thick or thin.. I can really tolerate people no matter how shit they treat me, but why can’t people do that to me? Tolerate me? Why do I get blamed at for mistakes I can’t avoid, but I could never blame or be angry at people for mistakes they can avoid?

I guess I’ll be alone. Forever.

I haven’t blogged since last week. I’ve been busy. And tired. I get so tired lately. I don’t even get this tired when I was working because I didn’t have so much to worry about and to think about but now I have so much heavy assignments, and lots of things to shoot!

Last Saturday was so much fun! I was a volunteer at the national zoo along with the student leaders plus lots of other school.. I had to skip the first production 2 class though but it was for a good cause so it’s ok. So what did I do? We were there since 8 am until 4.30 pm and we were in groups of 5 and my group was stationed at the birds section which was gross enough. I had to sweep the compound, clean the compounds and wash lots of dirty, disgusting dishes. Luckily most of the time I was outside the weather was cool, plus there was lots of trees around so it helped. Afternoon, it was blazing hot and since I was wearing my stupid crocs and not sports shoes unlike everybody else so I didn’t want to have weird spots on my feet due to sunburn.

But it’s all cool. The best thing was that the last time I went to national zoo was when I was so little, I couldn’t remember a thing so I was happy to get a chance to be able to see the animals up close and the forbidden smelly disgusting staff area for free :) You can see the pics —HERE—.

After that me and Skyler went to eat at Sakae Sushi, review coming soon, and we got 50% off New Zealand Natural ice cream/sorbet. Then on Sunday I passed out. Almost the whole day.

Class has been ok so far. I hate my media studies though.. cuz it’s boring and it’s full of mass comm people. There’s just too many of them. And they’re annoying. Most of them. Gosh. Makes me wanna kill myself. I wanna try rv camping…it might be interesting to camp. But I have to camping buddy and my mom wouldn’t allow me cuz she thinks my health is not fit for camping environment. Pfft.

I’m feeling all emo and depressed now. So I’m gonna go and bury my head.

Short Film Workshop class yesterday.. basically we had to choose 2 categories of either film or documentary to shoot this semester and the entry will be sent to some film competition. Expected. However, I wanna do the documentary but how can I make a documentary that involves human rights/politics without it being extremely boring? Also I have some graduation showcase video that I have to do, which I’m assuming it’s the one which will be next semester’s final project. I have some basic idea what I wanna do, but do I have enough time? Plus I have 2 elective subjects to take before end of next sem because if I don’t, then I don’t graduate on time. Bleh. So my option is to take Introduction to DTP which is on Monday.. so I’d have class on Monday. Boohoo.

Yesterday there was also some talk on Adobe CS4… gosh CS4 is the best ever… that guy demo something that I never knew about photoshop etc Some of the new features of it. Hmm well I had some ideas of what to blog about but unfortunately I have forgotten all of it x.x So I’ll blog later. I’m just gonna go watch youtube stuff right now for some inspiration for my videos. I so wanna do like the one Dave acted ( I posted this before ) about a man struggling with his addiction with pills… but if I wanna do it a one-girl show, am I able to deal with the continuity?

I woke up at 5 am, wtf! I’m gonna blog cuz I have nothing to do.

So yesterday I went to college for class for the first time in 4 months.. quite a lot have changed! Some gave me the ‘wtf’ factor like you now have to take a number at the bursary.. wtf! Good system but dude, it feels like like a bank instead of a college! Also they’re putting atm machine, which would’ve been so cool if it was CIMB instead of Maybank… hmm what else… oh just some little extra stuff that I find quite odd.

First class RESEARCH METHODOLOGY. I got there like 10 minutes late because before going, my bag’s zipper broke. I was in panic mode trying to search for another replacement bag. So the class is gonna be hard. Plus it’s sorta like a pre production stuff before I make the final project so there’s gonna be a lot of research work to do. Good to see friends’ faces again. Then there was MEDIA STUDIES class. Lovely looking lecturer but omg the class was so small but there was like over 40 people crammed into one very small room that’s only fit for like less than 20 people. Good thing it was only introduction class. They will change the class soon cuz there’s no way we can study like that. Another quite hard yet interesting class. Hopefully she’ll decide on no exam. I like assignment based only exam. Today there’s short film workshop class. Should be interesting.

After class ended at 1 pm instead of 3.15 pm, me and Skyler went to Ikea to eat. Reviews later in my food blog. Then we went to walk around in Ikano.. I brought a new Hello Kitty bag and it’s black! Kinda expensive though – RM31 for such a small bag but I was desperate.. and plus it’s a black hello kitty. Can’t say no to that. Then omg, we went to the pet store.. and we saw a group of horny prairedogs trying to gang rape each other. It was so hilarious. We also saw cute yet interesting dog obedience training class.

After that we walked around in The Curve a bit, got Starbucks and went to eat at Sakae Sushi.. finally! I’ve been wanting to try sakae sushi for a while but I have no one to go with cuz I have no friends that like expensive Japanese food so it was an opportunity. Food review coming up soon at my food blog….we saw our classmate working at New Zealand Naturals (ice cream place) so while Skyler was chatting with Stephy, I was testing like almost 10 flavors of ice creams, haha. I’ve always wanted to taste their ice creams so I was happy. Good ice creams too. Then we went shopping at Tesco. I got home at like 10 pm, checked my emails then wham, fell asleep instantly. I was too tired.

Okay so gonna play with my DS now or watch movie or something before I get too busy. Only a few days more for shooting to be over and I wanna go there for one last time. Thing is — when?

PS: I got a papercut… sliced my skin :(
Here’s a pic of Skyler at Sakae Sushi.. love the ambience :P

I can’t help but to blog about this. I was reading my very old blog and found this entry about this movie I watched before titled “Killer Condombackgammon free casino money free craps game play free black jack craps video poker strategy play black jack online how to win video poker casino game online uk best casino online casino secure online gambling jackpot casino online casino black jack learn to play craps how to win at video poker craps online blackjack casino game online casino betting free on line video poker casino games no download casino online gambling casino play free casino slots video poker machine bonus video poker free on line slots double bonus video poker free video poker games free casinos roulette online craps rules free on line casino rules of craps online casino free money blackjack 21 internet casino how to play craps free casino game download fortunelounge online casino free casino download free casino card game free roulette game free casino play no deposit free money casino internet casino online ” or in German “Kondom des Grauens“.. it’s a very stupid B-grade movie, but kinda hilarious. Here’s what I wrote in my post dated March 26th 2004 (wow 5 years ago)

ROFLMAO. Where do I start….

I decided to download this movie after knowing that the movie is about killer condoms, despite all the bad reviews on how crap the movie is. It made me laugh because it was weird. ROFL.

First of all, it was weird because it was set in NEW YORK but everybody speaks German o.O;; Everybody.. I haven’t heard a single English in the movie except once or twice by the actors.. I mean, if it’s New York, shouldn’t we hear English at least once??? Anyways, it’s about this hotel called ‘Hotel Quickie’ that is a place for hookers to bring their clients in and do their stuff.

It starts with a few hookers and an innocent girl witnessing the condoms biting the ding dong -.- Okay so we don’t exactly see the ding dong but still… So Officer Macaroni (what a name, it makes me hungry, LMAO) decides to investigate the case. He went to the hotel and met a boy named ‘Billy’. He’s cute but what disturbs me is that Billy looks like Elijah Wood -.- Officer Macaroni is GAY. Rofl. So he was about to do it with Billy.. and his ding dong is 32 inches long! LMAO. You don’t see it but you see the shadow of it on Billy’s face. That was amusing. And yada yada yada, the condom bit his right nut off. At the hotel, he also met his old friend who is now a transvestite called ‘Babette’ (previous name is Bob, lmao). And Babette is deeply in love with Officer Macaroni but he doesn’t love ‘Babette’.

More and more condoms bit guys’ ding dongs until the condom decided to attack the public too.. it attacked a woman’s nose, and even President Dick’s ding dong. The condom has the teeth like piranha mind you. Then it turned out the condoms were made by Professor Smirnoff, forced by this lady named ‘Dr. Riffleson’ who is a doctor. And she’s a religious freak. She’s against gays and transvestite and that’s why she wanted to develop the killer condoms to teach these people a lesson. (She did it for God, she said). They also developed a special uber big monster condom for Officer Macaroni since his ding dong is 33 inches… lmao

You don’t see any nakedness in this movie though except for Billy’s ass. But the movie is lame XD If you need a laugh, watch this movie, ROFL.

And here’s the trailer!

PS: I’m now starting to play “Magician’s Quest Mysterious Times (US)/Enchanted Folk & The School of Wizardry (EU)” on my Nintendo DS. I heard it’s a sort of Harry Potter meets Animal Crossing which I love! Taking a break from Tokimeki Memorial Girl’s Side Plus.. cuz that game is SO FRIGGIN EVIL.

College starts today. Actually, new semester briefing day. I didn’t go because I don’t want to waste my petrol to go there just to listen to the same briefing that I’ve been listening for the past 2 years.

I have class tomorrow! Eurgh back to class. Back to to college. My new timetable sucks. I still haven’t gotten it but I called my friend today and she told me what classes I have, and here are my classes for this semester if I heard it correctly:

Tuesday

Research Methodology: 9 am – 12 pm
Media Studies: 12:15 pm – 3.15 pm

Wednesday

Short Film Workshop: 12:15 pm – 3.15 pm

Friday

Video Editing: 9 am – 12 pm

Saturday

Video Production 2: 9 am – 12 pm

YES I have a friggin Saturday class! URGH. I hate Saturday class! I’m guessing this semester, there’s a lot of studying and producing film type of project. I doubt there’s any paper based assignment type only class. Oh well, good thing is that I have most classes with people I wanna be in the same class with. But I feel odd that I have video editing class after I went for internship, wtf. Seriously, during my internship I barely knew anything… wtf.

So yeah, tight schedule this semester. Kinda makes me miss working.. but kinda not cuz now I can at least get some time off cuz I have no class on Monday and Thursday… which prolly gonna be used to study or do project. For the first time ever, no class on Monday. Hah. But yeah, who knows there’s prolly gonna be any changes so we’ll just wait and see. Anyways, I’m gonna go take a shower now and then do something and then sleep cuz I have morning class tomorrow. Why do I feel my life is far less interesting when I’m back to college?

PS: OMG my cousin’s and ex classmate’s wedding in less than 3 weeks.. and I haven’t worked on losing weight.. emergency fat loss pills search starts now..

So if you haven’t seen my facebook, I’ve uploaded some new photos. I was an extra in the movie for another day.

It was horrible because I was sick! Wtf. The night before the shooting day I had food poisoning, can you imagine that? Good thing no puking scenario. So I went there at 9 am and got back home at 12:30 am. Yowza. Only good thing was that I got to stare at some hot guys there. I had absolutely no energy nor the mood to talk to them nor anyone except for some of the crews. I love the makeup though, this time done by some pro makeup artists. There was this guy who is a tranny but omg his/her face is so cute that I couldn’t stop staring >.> He/She has this really nice smile.

The place was sooooooo hot. So thanks to ’some guy’ who invited me into the room with aircond :D

The shooting was ok, extremely fun for the last one at night cuz we had to be crowd and had to scream and make funny faces. OMG the guys, even the old ones was like cracking jokes and it was sooooooooo hard to act surprise when I was supposed to be serious! I bet you could see me laughing when I was supposed to be surprised and shocked. Oh well you prolly can’t see me anyway :P Or the many me :P They chose like 6 peeps I guess for close up.. they chose me first but then they told me no.. at that time I had completely lost all of my energy and voice so it was good they decided not to use me, BUT I prolly missed a close up or something. Not that I wanted to — by 12 am I looked like shit. I didn’t go for touch up cuz I wanted to go back early >.> The funniest part was that we hard to shake our butts! So that tranny dude was like shaking his/her butt and we were shaking ours.. then I got a text message from the guy who likes me saying “nice butt shaking”.. it was embarassing lol.

I didn’t eat for the whole day except for a few spooful of rice. Good thing that guy was like helping me get med and water and Eyza was getting me food and all. :) You can see some photos of me in my facebook. I loved my glitter eyes :D

Edited the pic a bit... but glitter eyes!

The color is lighter than the above one.. I suck at editing

Yesterday I was playing Tokimeki Memorial GS Plus on my DS for prolly more than 5 hours nonstop and finally finished the game with A GUY ENDING! Farkin finally. I’ve played that game soooo many times but I’ve never gotten any ending with the guy I want.. so I was pretty much excited about that. Today is my last day of my holiday. College starts tomorrow… ahhh back to college after 4 months.. feels a bit weird to not go to work anymore.

OH OH I had Dominos Pizza delivered today and they have this Terminator promotion so I got a free coke glass with limited edition terminator box.. and even the pizza box has changed into this damn nice black terminator design..omg. They should stick to that design…black pizza box is t3h aw3somen3ss! I’ll put pics later. They’ve even changed their website layout design to black terminator design.. black is t3h s3x!

Gah. What a luck.
My thumb is 85% better, cold is gone, coughing almost gone, backpain gone and guess what? Now I feel like I wanna vomit. I suspect food poisoning. I have no idea what food I ate that caused it. I can’t eat food that’s bad or expired, if I don’t puke, worse come to worse, at least headache, feeling nauseated and urrgh diarrhea? Hate it. Problem is I have to be at the shooting location today for the whole day, and I’m not feeling that well. That’s gonna suck.

Yesterday went to the office from 1 pm to 5 pm. Did some work. Got myself bubble tea, again. @_@ Then went shopping with mom and dinner while feeling completely sick.

If you haven’t noticed, I changed the layout! I like this layout and I don’t know why. I’m working on my food blog again after it being on hiatus for a year. Then I’m gonna work on my other school/work blog. Ok I better get some rest now, in 3 hours I have to be at the shooting location.

This ephedrine site says that I could lose weight rapidly … but they’re reformulating it. I wonder if it really works as they say it does? If so, it’s something I really need then.

My thumb is getting much better. Still not 100% better but at least I can use it a little bit now. Slowly doing some bit of my own therapy to get my thumb to fully 100% usable again. Hehe feels like as if I had broken my thumb, but slightly less severe than that. However now my back is hurting … fuck. I seem to always hurt myself somehow when I sleep. o___O Oh my cold is gone, yay. I still cough a little bit, but not bad anymore.

I’ve been having trouble sleeping this past two days. I’ve been sleeping during the day, went to do part time work during the evening and then stay up at night till morning playing game. I was up all night last night playing Tokimeki Memorial Girl’s Side Plus on my DS for like more than 6 hours straight only to find out I did not get the guy ending that I wanted, argh! I hate that. Going to play it all over again. I can never get sick of Tokimeki Memorial GS.

Anyways, I’ve been doing some bit of work for my boss and I saw some movie shots. Almost everyone I know from the crew are extras in the movie. Some were so hilarious. I told them, when the movie is out at the cinema, the fun thing for me to do would be spotting familiar faces in the background, haha. Speaking of extra, I’ll be an extra this Thursday again. Not sure what scene and stuff but yeah… we’ll see. But yay they’re shooting at the studio again, so it’s much nearer. They were in Sepang until today.

Last Sunday, I took my mom out for a dinner. It was hilarious cuz I missed a turn and got sooooooooo lost, like at a housing area I have never been to before, with absolutely no cars around so it was sort of isolated and very quiet and creepy, no signboard whatsoever.. and I just keep on driving without any sense of direction… I was SO WORRIED that I would end up someplace I don’t know and can’t find my way back anymore.. plus it was so friggin dark… until half an hour later then BAM I actually reached the place without knowing it. Wtf.

It was friggin full at that time. I took some pics so story on that later. I spent RM100 on a meal for 2 person *gasps* Hehe.

OH! I bought PERFECT STRANGERS: THE COMPLETE SEASON 1 & 2 DVD yesterday. 4 discs for RM30. If you haven’t heard of it, it’s an old show.. used to watch it when I was little but strangely I’ve never heard about it again. It’s a safe comedy… it has no dirtyness or anything.. sometime could be boring but it’s a nice show XD Can’t remember much of it though, the 1st and 2nd seasons were shown back in 1986 or something.

Plus a pirated TWILIGHT DVD.. that one is free cuz I claimed their stamp collection (10 stamps free 1 DVD thing). Hehe I want the original 3 discs Twilight Dvd set but kinda can’t afford it yet. Bleh.You know what I want? MARRIED… WITH CHILDREN. They show this episodes as a minisode on cable tv.. it’s like 5 mins summarization of each episode. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Why show it if you’re just gonna tease people with 5 mins of it? I don’t get it. I’ve been getting more and more interested in Married… With Children. Sadly, can’t find the dvd here. Might have to order from amazon soon. I have so many tv shows in my to-buy list.

College starts next week.. strangely enough I’m kinda looking forward to it. The classes, not the college though cuz I can imagine everytime I reach there, I would be cursing cuz I won’t be able to find parking. I can’t wait to start classes again, kinda need a break from the working world a bit and be student again. :)

My phone is falling apart. Part of the deco fell off and now it’s ugly. Oh well. H brought a new phone last week. Bleh. Nokia N95 if I remember correctly. OMG I want LG Lollipop cell phone… argh! It’s so friggin cute .. I used to want LG Ice cream but I read a review last night that the pink ones is faulty. They hang after 2nd day.. and the battery last a day.. wtf. When it comes to battery, Sony Ericsson is the BEST. I can fully charge the phone in less than 15 minutes, and the battery could last up to a week. Seriously. I love my phone but sadly, have to move on to a new one. LG Lollipop, hurry the fuck up and come to Malaysia! Grr.

I am so fucking addicted to Bubble Tea like you have no idea. It’s bad that the supplier is near my office. I suddenly have craving for Subway sandwich. Hmm.