I’m going back to KL tonight. Feels sad to leave my cat and her kittens here. Oh well.

I’m feeling terribly depressed now.. well been depressed for the past week. I always get depressed when I see my old high school mates doing better than I am. Most depressing is that most of them are either engaged or married and what am I doing? Alone, pathetic, doing a DIPLOMA when I’m 24 when everyone else is doing masters already? Omg, how pathetic can I be? I hope I won’t be old and alone living with 100 cats and people calling me “The Cat Lady”. I’m about to be 25, I should have some sort of achievement.. something big. People can become millionaire by early 20s.. what the hell am I doing? This is not what I had in mind. I want to be successful by 25. I want myself known. I want people to be proud of me. And yes, I should start thinking about having a family for a lot of reasons. Have I achieved any of that? A big fat no.

I want to turn my life around before I’m 30. And get married asap.  Before I sound so pathetic to everyone else who is living happily with their husband, perhaps kids too. My biological clock is ticking. I’m prolly being melodramatic but I don’t know.. when I broke up with my ex, I thought, god I”m finally free.. I like being single.. but as time passed, I feel the urge of you know, having a family.. kids of my own.. I guess that ‘motherly instinct’ just came.. but hey, Jamie Lynn Spears is a mother at 16, and I’m surprised to say I feel jealous. Sigh. It’s just depressing you know, not to have the person who are there for you in real life, take you to places, give you presents, buy you expensive dinner, promise you heaven…and to show off to people. Even my 20 year old cousin is starting to think about marriage, COME ON! If she gets married before me, omg, I’m so killing myself. I’m better off dead than live in humiliation, without a husband.

Now I understand why my friends are so frustrated about not getting married before when they’re just in early 20’s.

I hate when I’m depressed. All these stupid questions and thoughts lingers in my mind.