At the beginning of every year, when I make my new year’s resolution or wish, there’s one thing that I always wish – to have an awesome year ahead. Wishing for no drama and no depression. And shortly after that, I get a confirmation that my wishes never came true when shit happened.
Yesterday morning, I lost Keypoh, one of my cats. I noticed that for the past week or two, she’s been quiet and not as energetic as she used to be. I sensed something was wrong but a few days ago she was back to her original self. She’s been eating, she was cheerful, until 2 days ago when she was so quiet and barely responding to me at all. She didn’t eat nor drink. I’ve faced kitty death so much that I know well the signs of you know.. death approaching. So I was preparing myself. At least when you’re expecting it, it won’t hurt as much as something that came as a shock. At least you have time to prepare and accept what’s coming. I had 2 days to prepare for what’s coming.
Apart from that, I’ve been having major health problems since last month. And it’s not helping that yesterday I woke up with an excruciating pain in my right foot – the same kind of pain I’ve been having since December in my left foot. It’s like they’ve switched. I don’t even know what happened. So since yesterday I’ve been in SO MUCH PAIN and limping like [insert a word here].
I have other problems too that I cannot mention here. I have high tolerance for pain and sorrow and depression but try having 5-10 major problems at the same time. Tell me if you don’t end up in a mental hospital or do something stupid. So for the past couple of weeks I’ve been avoiding people. I’m alone, always alone. I tried talking to some people about my problems but nobody understands my shit, nobody would help and end up making it worse. So screw that. I’ll deal with my shit alone.
It seems that the older I get, the more shit I get into, and the more I feel like … I don’t want to mention it here so let’s just end it at that.
I miss you so very much